There's a steady westerly wind blowing today and the temperature hovers just below freezing. All that means is the snow we received yesterday is going to stick around until the sun can bring it up above that magic zero mark. Well, it can only be expected given we had such a beautiful above-average March. Anyone living here in Alberta knows that it can change on a dime and five minutes later we are all breathing another sigh of relief or holding our breath. That's something you just can't depend on - weather.
In a totally different realm, I am the only one I can depend on in my attempt to lose some awful fat and become a healthy human being again. I say this meaning that it is up to me to make the change knowing that I have a great support system and actually, a really great life. For most, weight loss is a slow process but one that can be done - with focus and determination. Being sick for a week has its place in all this because it makes me realize, again, how precious our health is. I say again, because every time something like this happens, whether to me or to someone I love dearly, it just reinforces what things matter in this world and what doesn't.
It is not the vanity of weight loss and "being skinny" that I desire. It is the me that was able to do anything for long periods of time without feeling like I'm going to fall over or have multiple pains to show for it - trying not to complain about them because I am sure everyone gets tired of hearing the same story over and over. It is difficult, unless you've been in this situation, to realize that sometimes these things ARE really beyond our control.
I have been doing great with my meals and eating but not because I have forgotten about food. I wish that were the case. Instead, it has become a focused intent on having breakfast, then perhaps a snack, and lunch, and snack and supper, and not eating late, and this and that and the other thing. Without the routine of work over the past few days, it has been even more obvious. Keeping the water glass full, I mean refilling it after I empty it, is also a job that must continue.
The one thing the flu gave me, besides the obvious, was a new reluctance to fill my body with things I know are not good for it. Isn't that always the way? We know what is good and what isn't but we justify the lack of control in some way. It's late. It's easy. It's convenient. And I, like many of us, know this to be nothing to do with control at all - it's almost automatic and the justification is a sub-conscious feeling that consoles us saying "just one more time, it's okay you need it." Our use of food for comfort and not mere sustenance, however, does not see the "one more time" as enough or comforting. The hole we are trying to fill is not in the pit of the stomach, it is deep in our hearts, or our souls, or our minds.
Right now, the fact that my body reacted while I was ill to some foods in a way that hurt (big time) makes me realize that I can't just fill the void with whatever any more. I will tempt the waters as I feel better and find the limits. I definitely know what I am cutting right out of my diet because of what I know to be true of it or what I found out in my reactions, but that does not limit everything and all things. I sometimes wish my doctor, way back when I had my gall bladder removed, was astute enough to see into my future of weight problems and say... "no, I'm sorry you can't eat this and this and this, any time ever again..." but instead when asked about a special diet that now I did not have this little organ of bile, I was told "no special diet." Wow.
So all the good that comes of this is my resolve to continue to plug away at key and calorie and hope that little by little, slowly but surely this will become a habit and not an obsession. I am also happy that the swelling has gone away in my legs and feet - the skin wrinkles around my ankles when I flex them and that makes me smile.
In a totally different realm, I am the only one I can depend on in my attempt to lose some awful fat and become a healthy human being again. I say this meaning that it is up to me to make the change knowing that I have a great support system and actually, a really great life. For most, weight loss is a slow process but one that can be done - with focus and determination. Being sick for a week has its place in all this because it makes me realize, again, how precious our health is. I say again, because every time something like this happens, whether to me or to someone I love dearly, it just reinforces what things matter in this world and what doesn't.
It is not the vanity of weight loss and "being skinny" that I desire. It is the me that was able to do anything for long periods of time without feeling like I'm going to fall over or have multiple pains to show for it - trying not to complain about them because I am sure everyone gets tired of hearing the same story over and over. It is difficult, unless you've been in this situation, to realize that sometimes these things ARE really beyond our control.
I have been doing great with my meals and eating but not because I have forgotten about food. I wish that were the case. Instead, it has become a focused intent on having breakfast, then perhaps a snack, and lunch, and snack and supper, and not eating late, and this and that and the other thing. Without the routine of work over the past few days, it has been even more obvious. Keeping the water glass full, I mean refilling it after I empty it, is also a job that must continue.
The one thing the flu gave me, besides the obvious, was a new reluctance to fill my body with things I know are not good for it. Isn't that always the way? We know what is good and what isn't but we justify the lack of control in some way. It's late. It's easy. It's convenient. And I, like many of us, know this to be nothing to do with control at all - it's almost automatic and the justification is a sub-conscious feeling that consoles us saying "just one more time, it's okay you need it." Our use of food for comfort and not mere sustenance, however, does not see the "one more time" as enough or comforting. The hole we are trying to fill is not in the pit of the stomach, it is deep in our hearts, or our souls, or our minds.
Right now, the fact that my body reacted while I was ill to some foods in a way that hurt (big time) makes me realize that I can't just fill the void with whatever any more. I will tempt the waters as I feel better and find the limits. I definitely know what I am cutting right out of my diet because of what I know to be true of it or what I found out in my reactions, but that does not limit everything and all things. I sometimes wish my doctor, way back when I had my gall bladder removed, was astute enough to see into my future of weight problems and say... "no, I'm sorry you can't eat this and this and this, any time ever again..." but instead when asked about a special diet that now I did not have this little organ of bile, I was told "no special diet." Wow.
So all the good that comes of this is my resolve to continue to plug away at key and calorie and hope that little by little, slowly but surely this will become a habit and not an obsession. I am also happy that the swelling has gone away in my legs and feet - the skin wrinkles around my ankles when I flex them and that makes me smile.
Glad you are feeling better Linda. You are hangin' in there......good for you......I'm cheering for you!
ReplyDelete