Making it All Even Out

All joking aside (see last blog post, :) there is nothing like a visit to the doctor for a swift kick in the good intentions to stoke the fires of change and draw the realization that all things do not always even out or make sense - no matter how hard we try. I failed to make it in to see her at the two week allotted time - instead booking my appointment to bring me at the three week mark, already out of my diet pills. I mentioned to her that this happened and I could tell it probably wasn't the best case scenario when trying to bring something under control. She asked if my appetite changed or if I noticed anything different - there was probably a desire to have those ugly chocolate covered peanuts that I hate so much (tongue in cheek...) but other than that I was verdantly trying to control portions and types of food devoured. I mentioned to her the noticeable irritations or anxieties that I was feeling culminating in a very distressed mood by the weekend. (I wrote last week about the disturbing qualities that were cropping up so I'm not sure if my discovery - to be revealed later in this blog - applies or it may only be part of the reason behind it all) - the dry mouth started the week before so it is possible that my anxiety increased over that uncomfortable feeling, ending up with a sore mouth because I couldn't leave my teeth and gums alone and rest my tongue. I'd consciously hold my mouth one way to make myself stop and next thing I knew it was going on again, and I could just scream. Cried a bit, too.

So in my infinite search for knowledge and the never-ending quest for answers to the forever asked "why" I realized today that there may be an explanation for my recent quandary.

Ah, my fine fellow followers, I hear your silent quizzical ponder - which quandary is she talking about now? But do not fear, I know and accept that certain characteristics of my challenge have taken on some rather revealing confessions, one or two, here and there - but I take to heart your doubt and confirm with almost some certainty - sometimes I really do know which quandary is which and have hope that they will soon fade away, like my weight and sore joints and ... First, however, we will venture into the world of pharmaceuticals and ask the following:

How does Meridia work?

"After eating a meal your body releases the chemicals serotonin and norepinephrine within the brain. The presence of these chemicals in the "appetite control centre" of your brain gives you a feeling of fullness. The quantity of these two chemicals decreases in this area as they get reabsorbed so that they may be reused, and the level to which someone feels full decreases. Meridia works to prevent this re-absorption helping to prolong the feeling of fullness (satiety). As the patient feels full for longer this can help them reduce their food intake."

Interesting? I think so! It goes to my old argument that appetite suppressants will not work on someone who eats without the need for hunger to advise you that you need to eat because you are hungry. The feeling of satiety is accompanied with higher serotonin levels and that is the "feel good" feeling I was talking about. If you follow the link for serotonin you will be able to read about the possible, but not proven in the living brain, connection between serotonin levels and depression. It was also interesting to me to read that some of the side effects of Meridia include anxiety and irritation, the very feelings I experienced AFTER I was off the pills for a couple of days. If Meridia works for me it is due to the relationship with the serotonin levels - keep them up and I feel good, no anxiety, no irritability because it feels like I've just eaten my favorite food, constantly. So going off of these with the suddenness that I did last week is not good, as it is a "cold turkey" reaction that I experienced afterward. If they are working, it is because they make me feel good like a anti-depressant. Those disturbing thoughts and feelings that came to me then can be explained by the "low" I slumped into - perhaps, not a good side effect of a diet pill and I will have to ease off of them, with the advice of my doctor, once that time comes.

My appointment revealed two things - I lost another 4 lbs. - a small steady victory, however, my blood pressure was up enough to concern my doctor and I have to go back for a check on it when I do my blood test for the Crestor results - around the middle of the month. The dilemma will be if I want to stay on the diet pills the blood pressure better come down or I'll have to take medication for that - is there a "win situation" somewhere here? I do realize that I must increase my physical activity to increase my success rate in this challenge but try doing that with a knee that is bothering you and a desire that does not go beyond writing. Little bites. Little steps. I am working towards making it all even out - but sometimes it's hard to justify the effort and an end to a means.