Saturday, October 16, 2010

Renewing Urgency

As too much time goes by there grows a detachment to the urgency of a project that is deemed an effort - one that must be concentrated, uuber focused, and it must rank of the highest importance and value in order to illicit any renewed determination. One would think that a challenge involving the quality of your own existence would manage to produce such feelings and encourage an attempt without needing such validation - but sometimes, to me, it appears not.

I must state from the outset, I have not given up... totally. My realization comes after this week's failure in securing a beneficial aid to dieting assistance in the form of an appetite suppressant, that may or may not reveal continued, if only, somewhat moderate success. My doubt in it working at all was just on the verge of perhaps - acceptance - with what was at least a glimmer of hope after losing 8 lbs. - but that was soon erased. The FDA recalled the diet drug Meridia and all its generic sibutramine derivatives - the potential for heart attack is just too great to continue to approve sales of the drug, even after 13 years on the market. Meridia was first approved by the FDA in 1997.

It makes me wonder how many others who are in my situation sacrificed their lives to save, in essence, mine? It's a setback and, one must always remember, there is potential for serious side effects with all medication which poses the question: is the cure worse than the disease?

I am trying to identify any little nervous quirks as a result of going off this pill again, as were evident when I ran out and didn't have a refill to continue the application without interruption. a couple of weeks ago. So far the anxiety is minimal (I think) and the habits that cropped up before are of a lesser intensity than the first time.

The greatest issue at this point is lack of sleep due to several late nights, but thankfully that's my own doing, and not one the result of some deadly med induced side effect. I keep reminding myself - small steps move you ahead, slowly but surely - even though my penchant for pasta and pastry are dangled like the proverbial carrot to entice me...

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