Nights...

So it's 1:23 am and here I sit, writing. And I guess that's a good thing for a writer because it shows dedication, determination and a whole bunch of other stuff. I am happy to be able to say I AM dedicated to this craft and the writing life, although, the night owl muse left me long ago. Tonight I am not sure if it's the diet pills doing their little side effect show, or if it's the coffee I drank at 10:30 pm, giving me a caffeine buzz. In any case, I am making the most of the extended sojourn in front of the key board.

It's been a week now on the diet pill, less Friday, because I forgot to take it - remembered everything else, but forgot that... and it says specifically, don't try to make up a pill, just take it at the next appointed time. Mornings are best just because of the fact that insomnia happens to be one of the side effects and it's best to take the pill, therefore, as early in the day as possible. I am wondering why the effects last all day and still seem to be affecting me by the time I am thinking I'm ready to go to bed. Even if I am able to fall asleep, I've been waking up tossing and turning - the mind is not shutting off like it has been able to do up until now.

Kelsey's says I worry too much *aghast* "I don't." I exclaim, profusely. Do I? No, but now I'm worried that I worry without even thinking I worry. She laughs. I laugh. And then we go on and I don't worry anymore...

I have been minding my mouth and its intake for the past week and whether or not the pill is working, I am unsure. AM I just trying to make good now on a promise I made myself? Feeling somewhat frustrated and upset with myself after the less than pleasing results, am I just doing more to try to correct it? I am also unsure that an appetite suppressant will be of any use to me but I am giving it a chance and will see what the results are, if any, next Friday when I go to the doctor, again. I am hoping that my body adjusts to this pill, as another must be added into the mix for the cholesterol. Pills. Not really wanting to take more but if they control certain elements of our health that will help us, I guess I cannot be totally opposed. I mean, I would most certainly support anyone else I care about IF they had to take something, so I should do the same for me.

... and I do care about me, too.

Managing Monday

I never minded Mondays. In the past I usually had a place where I wanted to be, and if I didn't want to be there, I certainly changed it. Everyone who knows me, knows that change could be my middle name, because I wear it like it's me and never fear it. Today, Monday means I go to a job I really love but also manage to miss sometimes, depending upon how my back is doing. It's very hard to determine what is going to happen based on what I do over the weekend. Sometimes I can do actual physical work and feel much better, even if a slight bit stiff and sore. Other times, like this weekend, I can sit most of the hours - writing, posting, blogging, doing other paperwork - and then be worse off than if I did some yard work, house work, or whatever.

The difference for this weekend is I started the prescription for Meridia on Saturday morning. I believe that I will have to gauge the benefits of the diet pills as one of the side effects is insomnia. I have never (okay 99%) had a problem getting or going to sleep. I exercise my mind constantly and that tires me out enough to fall asleep with no trouble. Last night, however, roll, twist and turn - I could not go to sleep and when I did I woke up, unable to fall back asleep for some time. Leaves nothing to the imagination - without proper sleep/rest, my back feels it and with that, I cannot get a decent sleep. Another vicious cycle. Needless to say, I would be useless at work today, so find myself staying home to nurse my wounds. Dramatic, huh?

I've read some posts lately by friends and friends of friends regarding stress and its affect on the human body. I try to manage my stress by not worrying about the things that cannot be helped, changed, or prevented. My body does absorb it, even though, it might be subconsciously. A situation with our pay cheques and their timely deposit, lurked in the back of mind over the weekend, and I would be mistaken to say it did not bother me. At least, internally. These kinds of things are there, you brush them aside, but the consequences of dealing with the results remains as I think of correcting something that is wrong, despite my attempt to ignore it. Hopefully, the situation is resolved without negative results and I can go on without having to "fix" things.

The good news to report is my conscious effort to watch what I have eaten and could actually report it without telling a white lie :0 meaning, I wouldn't try to hide something because for two days there was nothing to hide. I found that staying home to write and catch up on various on-the-go projects, helped me grab that focus I so needed. Breakfasts both days consisted of 1/2 cup of Fiber1, some blueberries and strawberries and 1% milk. I remembered all my vitamins and supplements; drank my water; and had my coffee, which ends up with only 1% milk by the time Monday rolls around - out of Vanilla creamer, and not out shopping. Both breakfasts were later in the morning so I did not eat again until supper time. Saturday was mostly vegetables with some seafood mixed in - stir fried in olive oil with pepper and lemon juice to season. Sunday night, Kelsey made scrumptious wraps - whole wheat (another good source of fiber) with lots of vegetables and chicken. We did not over do it as we have two wraps, were satisfied and put the left overs away for today's meal ... maybe even lunch.

Little steps. Little bit forward. Little bit closer to the desired goal.