Back Again...

Dear Diet Blog readers:

There is an obvious omission of posts from November and a significant lack of content for the surrounding months of October and December. It is not that I am any less concerned with my own health and "just doing it" means that a constant vigil is in order to improve one's lot. The lack of posts has even less to do with perhaps success in my quest to "diet and lose weight" although things look better, off and on... (unless we are referring to clothes, then, there may be some debate)

With recent concerns for others and all that has happened and continues to happen around me, I realize the increased necessity to be more focused and vigilant for my own health and well-being. It will be with renewed vigor that I attempt to tackle this challenge "again" all the while knowing it was ongoing no matter the commotion around me. Life happens and it must be with companionship that we partner our challenges, our choices, our changes, and our chances - all work in combination to provide the best way to live and live healthy.

A doctor's appointment in early December, although with the primary intent to renew my ongoing prescription of Crestor, revealed good news in that I lost another 4lbs. and reduced my cholesterol levels to acceptable by my doctor's levels. With use of the pill, I was able to lower my bad levels below the 2.0 to 1.7... good job - the doc was happy. On the flip side, my blood pressure was elevated but will be monitored as it might have been the bi-product of recent stressful situations and now family history will play an even more important part in monitoring my own health.

Over the Christmas season, which to me is sometimes an over-rated excuse to eat at random and with abandon - okay, it's my excuse, considering all the work lunches and functions and beyond - I more than likely, or if truly honest, definitely - gained back the 4lbs. recently recorded as lost. I would also be so boldly honest as to claim that a few more probably joined ranks and globbed on ... I am keeping my chin up (keeps the doubles from looking so bad) and remaining positive that this is only a minor set back, if I just look forward instead of behind... (no pun intended, hmmm)

On the eve of the New Year, it is time to look at those things that made a difference, reconnect with them and renew with determination the resolve to do what is necessary to gain (no pun intended again!) the upper hand in this battle. There will be no end to it and I win if I continue to address this challenge with the seriousness that it deserves. (Aside, of course, from the little punnings, jabs and jests, here and there) Will it tire me? Yes - but I have to realize that this is a story with no end and a journey that continues on... and I must just write my way along doing what I must do.

Happy New Year to everyone - although your challenges are your own, remember that everyone has them, in one form or another, and you are not alone in your efforts to better your life. Be safe and be healthy.

Making it All Even Out

All joking aside (see last blog post, :) there is nothing like a visit to the doctor for a swift kick in the good intentions to stoke the fires of change and draw the realization that all things do not always even out or make sense - no matter how hard we try. I failed to make it in to see her at the two week allotted time - instead booking my appointment to bring me at the three week mark, already out of my diet pills. I mentioned to her that this happened and I could tell it probably wasn't the best case scenario when trying to bring something under control. She asked if my appetite changed or if I noticed anything different - there was probably a desire to have those ugly chocolate covered peanuts that I hate so much (tongue in cheek...) but other than that I was verdantly trying to control portions and types of food devoured. I mentioned to her the noticeable irritations or anxieties that I was feeling culminating in a very distressed mood by the weekend. (I wrote last week about the disturbing qualities that were cropping up so I'm not sure if my discovery - to be revealed later in this blog - applies or it may only be part of the reason behind it all) - the dry mouth started the week before so it is possible that my anxiety increased over that uncomfortable feeling, ending up with a sore mouth because I couldn't leave my teeth and gums alone and rest my tongue. I'd consciously hold my mouth one way to make myself stop and next thing I knew it was going on again, and I could just scream. Cried a bit, too.

So in my infinite search for knowledge and the never-ending quest for answers to the forever asked "why" I realized today that there may be an explanation for my recent quandary.

Ah, my fine fellow followers, I hear your silent quizzical ponder - which quandary is she talking about now? But do not fear, I know and accept that certain characteristics of my challenge have taken on some rather revealing confessions, one or two, here and there - but I take to heart your doubt and confirm with almost some certainty - sometimes I really do know which quandary is which and have hope that they will soon fade away, like my weight and sore joints and ... First, however, we will venture into the world of pharmaceuticals and ask the following:

How does Meridia work?

"After eating a meal your body releases the chemicals serotonin and norepinephrine within the brain. The presence of these chemicals in the "appetite control centre" of your brain gives you a feeling of fullness. The quantity of these two chemicals decreases in this area as they get reabsorbed so that they may be reused, and the level to which someone feels full decreases. Meridia works to prevent this re-absorption helping to prolong the feeling of fullness (satiety). As the patient feels full for longer this can help them reduce their food intake."

Interesting? I think so! It goes to my old argument that appetite suppressants will not work on someone who eats without the need for hunger to advise you that you need to eat because you are hungry. The feeling of satiety is accompanied with higher serotonin levels and that is the "feel good" feeling I was talking about. If you follow the link for serotonin you will be able to read about the possible, but not proven in the living brain, connection between serotonin levels and depression. It was also interesting to me to read that some of the side effects of Meridia include anxiety and irritation, the very feelings I experienced AFTER I was off the pills for a couple of days. If Meridia works for me it is due to the relationship with the serotonin levels - keep them up and I feel good, no anxiety, no irritability because it feels like I've just eaten my favorite food, constantly. So going off of these with the suddenness that I did last week is not good, as it is a "cold turkey" reaction that I experienced afterward. If they are working, it is because they make me feel good like a anti-depressant. Those disturbing thoughts and feelings that came to me then can be explained by the "low" I slumped into - perhaps, not a good side effect of a diet pill and I will have to ease off of them, with the advice of my doctor, once that time comes.

My appointment revealed two things - I lost another 4 lbs. - a small steady victory, however, my blood pressure was up enough to concern my doctor and I have to go back for a check on it when I do my blood test for the Crestor results - around the middle of the month. The dilemma will be if I want to stay on the diet pills the blood pressure better come down or I'll have to take medication for that - is there a "win situation" somewhere here? I do realize that I must increase my physical activity to increase my success rate in this challenge but try doing that with a knee that is bothering you and a desire that does not go beyond writing. Little bites. Little steps. I am working towards making it all even out - but sometimes it's hard to justify the effort and an end to a means.

Day by Day

I would like to say that I have more to post than just a quick hello, but I am afraid that would be stretching it right now. I almost feel like there is nothing to say and I am afraid that I might bore you to tears with random ramblings about intake and output and control. The truth is, sometimes, I feel in control and at others, I don't. There is no real reason to be as dependent as I might have been in the past - keeping busy keeps your hands and mind occupied and, therefore, your mouth empty. Most of the time, anyway.

I am still trying to be good by watching what I eat and more importantly, watching the portions that are eaten. Seconds are not a dieter's friend and I tried to remind myself of that fact, but when things taste so good... seconds just taste soooooo much better. It is all about prolonging the pleasure and I'm not sure why I don't just eat the first helping extra slowly, savoring every bite, chewing more and thinking less about what is left in the pot... (or perhaps, ensuring that there is no extra in the pot would work, too.) Water consumption is second nature right now; I'd even go so far as to say that it feels like something's missing if I don't have that glass or bottle nearby. I do not know if I have lost any weight as I do not have a scale, but I do know that my clothes are not tight and I feel good about dressing up for work, most days. Other days, I'd just rather be able to stay home anyway, and that has nothing to do with dressing up. It's more to do with liking to stay home...

Except for a couple of Tylenol I have not taken any back pills since June 27th so feel that this is a big accomplishment - until a pain hits, then it's a quick failure but I am reluctant to take anything again so I can rid my system of two year's worth of over the counter relief. I find that some days I am able to do more than I ever had - then the reverse, I'm back to ouch-ouch-ouch... and doing nothing is a welcome chore. I am still the same, however, I try to do more than I should when I feel that I can, because I know at some point it catches up with me again. There are worse things, so I can live it.

I give myself the pep talk - you can eat what you want as long as it's mostly vegetables or fruit. I listen, sometimes... but mostly, I've been good. Birthday parties and pot luck lunches have a way of detaching you from your resolve but they are quickly over and it's back to the regime again. Take the necessary vitamins and supplements. Eat breakfast. Take a lunch. Add all the food groups... did you know fibre is your friend? Doesn't feel like it to begin with but it's good for the end result :S We cook at home the majority of the time so consider that a big win for our side.

Despite days when it feels like I'm not doing anything, or doing very little, or not taking it serious enough because small victories call for a celebratory treat... despite the fact that this is going to take a lot of time and more energy than I want to expend... for now, I'm just taking this challenge, day by day, so rest assured I'm hanging in there because I'm doing this thing for me.

Mind Over Matter

First of all, I hope you don't mind that this little blog appears to be neglected, having gone just over a week without an updating post. In my own defense, I could produce reams of evidence to support my writing habit with quite a number of other things in that time, and - you'll just have to believe me on this one - I have been consciously aware of the things going on around me to do with food, and dieting, and losing weight. In relation to the big picture, it does not matter that I have not written here but it does matter that things are going magically well. Do let me explain.

I have an enormous plate full of all kinds of delicious temptations and treats; they all keep me satiated and I'd even venture out as far as to say, contented, and almost happy. It's not that I was ever totally discontented or unhappy - just frustrated and restricted in certain areas of my life. It is hard to explain and yet it isn't. The feeling might be difficult to express but the situation I am sure is familiar to others, therefore, allowing for some kind of sympathy. One cautionary note I must make at this time ... is that this plate full of goodies is NOT food and it is nice to be full of other things rather than just caloric-intensified-sustenance. What changed? Not sure, it's a mystery.

I reported that I have been without back pain medication since I ran out of the prescription I was trying after my last doctor's appointment. I have not asked for the refill yet and with the exception of a couple of Tylenol on the odd day, I have been without pain assistance now for two weeks AND I have done more work around my mom's yard than I have been able to do for awhile now. Sweat-inducing, muscle reminding labor - yesterday was particularly gratifying as I was able to do approximately five hours of work without wimping out... and I even got out of bed this morning with a smile on my face. I feel it today - but it's that muscle -ouch- remember you have them - ache.

I can only accredit this change to "mind over matter" thinking that some of the internal mental and emotional decisions have attributed to the change and the gradual increase in my physical well-being. I have been eating better; drinking my water; encouraged by my family and friends and reciprocating that with my daughter's better health regime; getting back to what I love to do like volunteering for the local Shakespeare festival; I'm starting a company with a group of friends; and the biggest break from the past is that I have accepted if someone comes along who loves writing and would share his time with my writer's group, then I may be interested in a mutual relationship, but I am not searching anymore. The alone time is conducive to creativity and productivity, although the loneliness still strikes at times, but the mere hint of acceptance has given me some kind of magical freedom.

I can only say that perhaps the recent lunar and solar eclipse, the way of the world, mother nature's course, my ultimate journey, and a determined Aries spirit guide me. This is my challenge and however I meet it is the "write" way... the ending is yet to be determined and a long way off. Slow down. I hear ya.

"Dream of the end goal but focus on the journey - you might miss something spectacular along the way." (c) Linda J. Pedley

p.s. I just freaked myself out - felt my cat rub up against my leg under my desk... the cat's lying in the other room!!!!!!!!!

Winding up the Week

It is not that there has been so much happening that I could not post here this week - but it's like all other promises in that sometimes they slide just because they are for our own benefit. The good thing is that my resolve to do this thing did not slide and here I am back at it. My feelings were, however, severely questioned at one point but let me work up to that in the following post.

The week has been like any other although I am trying not to get overly busy and run down again. I did work in a couple of late nights and a few extra hours of work, with a meeting here and there but am trying to take it a bit slower; trying not to overbook my time and schedule while still fitting in the things that are necessary and the things I really want to do. The weather has been weary - raining and cool. It is good for the dry parched land and wild fires but it is dismal on our outlook in some instances. We all adjust and get used to it even if complaining off and on.

Sitting here today I can look back and report without the emotional ups and downs although the dismay that hit me is still there and will be evident to my readers as I write. I thought I was making progress by:

• being more attentive to what I am eating
• drinking more water
• limiting my food intake after 8:00 pm or at the latest 9:00 pm
• eating breakfast
• taking bigger salad or vegetable portions when we have a catered lunch at work
• eating regular meals or smaller meals spaced out to fuel energy
• focusing on positive rather than negative
• not having seconds - except salad or vegetables
• being more aware of what's in something and how many calories it has
  

The things I know I have to improve upon are:

• cutting completely my ties with "comfort" foods - although I am not in any way over indulging in them and am trying to divert my attentions to other activities such as more writing and reading
  
• start walking - been dealing with sore back and legs - I know, I know... I need to do this because I noticed just getting back to work made me tired after I was off ill
• exercise in some way as well as walking
  
• increase water consumption although it is better than it was
• take my vitamins and other required supplements
• keeping a positive attitude
• remembering it's okay to say no
• cutting down some portions and making supper a smaller meal

There are probably a mass of other points that could be included in both lists, however, at this time I cannot remember everything - another reason not to let this post get behind. I must remember it is okay to write a small update everyday rather than sit down and write a book once in awhile.

To culminate the week was my doctor's appointment with my new doctor that finally gets to the meat of the deal. I find that she is awesome in that she is thorough - she asks questions and keeps track of all the details, issues and concerns. I am now going through a barrage of tests to eliminate anything serious and then I must focus on the weight loss. If there is no medical reason not to be doing something then I have no excuse. If my back issue is a constant one I just have to find ways to adjust to it and move on or else I will be constantly fighting this. Stripped naked and exposed to your shortcomings, you must accept what is and do what you can.

It was a mixed bag of emotions after I left the doctor's office and the lab - I am on my way to ensuring my health is of importance, however, my efforts over the last three weeks were not met with the desired results, something I thought would happen. I was dismayed to learn that my weight and blood pressure were both up from my April 30th appointment! I thought things were going well - my clothes were not tighter (I even thought they were at least a bit less snug), I wasn't sick but it might be that getting better did not have the same effect as when my body was getting rid of everything inside; my attitude seemed more positive; the swelling in my legs returned two weeks ago and also better yesterday and today it is still there; perhaps I do let things get to me as my daughter pointed out - "yes, you do stress out..."

I am at a "why me" point and don't want to get hung up on the negatives. I am trying but realize that my efforts have to be even more stringent, focused, strict, demanding, desired, and will be just plain hard work. Am I ready for this? I have to be and am not sure how to begin except that I will try harder and see my doctor again in two weeks.

P.S. The doctor has now recommended that I take Calcium (1500 mg per day) and Vitamin D (1000 units per day) and updated my tetanus shot which is supposed to be done every 10 years after the first vaccine. So... where was my last doctor's head at? I am already feeling better just knowing my new doctor is thinking of what's best for me.