Getting to Me

October. It's debatable whether or not this month is one of my favorites. There are so many things good about it and so many things bad about it. It's all in the perspective, I guess. Last time I wrote I was despondent to change, still reeling in my emotional wash - and, unfortunately, that hasn't changed. As I read over the post, I realize and know in my heart I must make the effort as no one else can do that for me. Since then, I have attended the first session of my steps to a healthier life - a doctor prescribed program offered by our health services. But that's it - session one introduction. Another binder of reminders for $25. I've made no time for anything else. Is it any wonder? I am busy. Always going - work, company, volunteer, events, sales, meetings... I justify my neglect by pointing to everything else I have to do. Things I have attached to my life that seem to have more importance than my health. I know that is not true. I promise to make an effort.

My daughter has changed dramatically over the summer and has embraced a healthy lifestyle - going to the gym, watching what she eats, eliminating bad foods from her diet, eating clean. She looks great and continues to move in the right direction. I am proud of her but she is not happy with me. I can't move like I need to, liked I used to... in order to let go of the weight. I am trying my best to eat better, make better choices, make concessions - it's hard when food fills a void, though. It's my emotional comfort, releasing feel good hormones into my system, even though the feel good doesn't last, in one way, and has everlasting effects in others.

I want to just get past this week. This week, last year, changed my life forever. I am working on purging things, cleaning house, making changes, doing what needs to be done - I will get to me after I get through this week.

Back Again...

Dear Diet Blog readers:

There is an obvious omission of posts from November and a significant lack of content for the surrounding months of October and December. It is not that I am any less concerned with my own health and "just doing it" means that a constant vigil is in order to improve one's lot. The lack of posts has even less to do with perhaps success in my quest to "diet and lose weight" although things look better, off and on... (unless we are referring to clothes, then, there may be some debate)

With recent concerns for others and all that has happened and continues to happen around me, I realize the increased necessity to be more focused and vigilant for my own health and well-being. It will be with renewed vigor that I attempt to tackle this challenge "again" all the while knowing it was ongoing no matter the commotion around me. Life happens and it must be with companionship that we partner our challenges, our choices, our changes, and our chances - all work in combination to provide the best way to live and live healthy.

A doctor's appointment in early December, although with the primary intent to renew my ongoing prescription of Crestor, revealed good news in that I lost another 4lbs. and reduced my cholesterol levels to acceptable by my doctor's levels. With use of the pill, I was able to lower my bad levels below the 2.0 to 1.7... good job - the doc was happy. On the flip side, my blood pressure was elevated but will be monitored as it might have been the bi-product of recent stressful situations and now family history will play an even more important part in monitoring my own health.

Over the Christmas season, which to me is sometimes an over-rated excuse to eat at random and with abandon - okay, it's my excuse, considering all the work lunches and functions and beyond - I more than likely, or if truly honest, definitely - gained back the 4lbs. recently recorded as lost. I would also be so boldly honest as to claim that a few more probably joined ranks and globbed on ... I am keeping my chin up (keeps the doubles from looking so bad) and remaining positive that this is only a minor set back, if I just look forward instead of behind... (no pun intended, hmmm)

On the eve of the New Year, it is time to look at those things that made a difference, reconnect with them and renew with determination the resolve to do what is necessary to gain (no pun intended again!) the upper hand in this battle. There will be no end to it and I win if I continue to address this challenge with the seriousness that it deserves. (Aside, of course, from the little punnings, jabs and jests, here and there) Will it tire me? Yes - but I have to realize that this is a story with no end and a journey that continues on... and I must just write my way along doing what I must do.

Happy New Year to everyone - although your challenges are your own, remember that everyone has them, in one form or another, and you are not alone in your efforts to better your life. Be safe and be healthy.

Making it All Even Out

All joking aside (see last blog post, :) there is nothing like a visit to the doctor for a swift kick in the good intentions to stoke the fires of change and draw the realization that all things do not always even out or make sense - no matter how hard we try. I failed to make it in to see her at the two week allotted time - instead booking my appointment to bring me at the three week mark, already out of my diet pills. I mentioned to her that this happened and I could tell it probably wasn't the best case scenario when trying to bring something under control. She asked if my appetite changed or if I noticed anything different - there was probably a desire to have those ugly chocolate covered peanuts that I hate so much (tongue in cheek...) but other than that I was verdantly trying to control portions and types of food devoured. I mentioned to her the noticeable irritations or anxieties that I was feeling culminating in a very distressed mood by the weekend. (I wrote last week about the disturbing qualities that were cropping up so I'm not sure if my discovery - to be revealed later in this blog - applies or it may only be part of the reason behind it all) - the dry mouth started the week before so it is possible that my anxiety increased over that uncomfortable feeling, ending up with a sore mouth because I couldn't leave my teeth and gums alone and rest my tongue. I'd consciously hold my mouth one way to make myself stop and next thing I knew it was going on again, and I could just scream. Cried a bit, too.

So in my infinite search for knowledge and the never-ending quest for answers to the forever asked "why" I realized today that there may be an explanation for my recent quandary.

Ah, my fine fellow followers, I hear your silent quizzical ponder - which quandary is she talking about now? But do not fear, I know and accept that certain characteristics of my challenge have taken on some rather revealing confessions, one or two, here and there - but I take to heart your doubt and confirm with almost some certainty - sometimes I really do know which quandary is which and have hope that they will soon fade away, like my weight and sore joints and ... First, however, we will venture into the world of pharmaceuticals and ask the following:

How does Meridia work?

"After eating a meal your body releases the chemicals serotonin and norepinephrine within the brain. The presence of these chemicals in the "appetite control centre" of your brain gives you a feeling of fullness. The quantity of these two chemicals decreases in this area as they get reabsorbed so that they may be reused, and the level to which someone feels full decreases. Meridia works to prevent this re-absorption helping to prolong the feeling of fullness (satiety). As the patient feels full for longer this can help them reduce their food intake."

Interesting? I think so! It goes to my old argument that appetite suppressants will not work on someone who eats without the need for hunger to advise you that you need to eat because you are hungry. The feeling of satiety is accompanied with higher serotonin levels and that is the "feel good" feeling I was talking about. If you follow the link for serotonin you will be able to read about the possible, but not proven in the living brain, connection between serotonin levels and depression. It was also interesting to me to read that some of the side effects of Meridia include anxiety and irritation, the very feelings I experienced AFTER I was off the pills for a couple of days. If Meridia works for me it is due to the relationship with the serotonin levels - keep them up and I feel good, no anxiety, no irritability because it feels like I've just eaten my favorite food, constantly. So going off of these with the suddenness that I did last week is not good, as it is a "cold turkey" reaction that I experienced afterward. If they are working, it is because they make me feel good like a anti-depressant. Those disturbing thoughts and feelings that came to me then can be explained by the "low" I slumped into - perhaps, not a good side effect of a diet pill and I will have to ease off of them, with the advice of my doctor, once that time comes.

My appointment revealed two things - I lost another 4 lbs. - a small steady victory, however, my blood pressure was up enough to concern my doctor and I have to go back for a check on it when I do my blood test for the Crestor results - around the middle of the month. The dilemma will be if I want to stay on the diet pills the blood pressure better come down or I'll have to take medication for that - is there a "win situation" somewhere here? I do realize that I must increase my physical activity to increase my success rate in this challenge but try doing that with a knee that is bothering you and a desire that does not go beyond writing. Little bites. Little steps. I am working towards making it all even out - but sometimes it's hard to justify the effort and an end to a means.

Somewhere.....

Somewhere there is a good reason why I have not been diligent in my posts - and I think it's buried SOMEWHERE under all the paperwork I have been doing lately. I have been asked "when do you sleep?" but surprisingly enough, I actually get enough and find I only really long for one morning a week that I don't have to abide by the alarm clock's ring. Perhaps all the activity has contributed to my increased stress levels but I'm not sure - I always love to keep busy and don't want to think that doing too much, even in areas where you are passionate, can be detrimental to one's health.

I am well under the effects of the dual medications now, and am due to see my doctor again to check my blood pressure and weight after 2 weeks on 15mg dose diet pills. It's another 4 weeks yet until I check my cholesterol level and I hope that by taking these pills I am able to control what seems to be elusive without. I am well aware it takes a concentrated effort to remain healthy and make changes that contribute to an overall lifestyle change. Small steps. I continue to make little things into good habits, and with further concentration on the challenge at hand, I am certain I can make further changes if I apply myself.

So other than feeling a bit tired, off and on, I have not been feeling too bad - the side effects have diminished and I don't seem to be experiencing anything negative from taking them - I am able fall asleep and stay asleep and the headaches have subsided. That said, I am still dealing with the urge to eat, however, when facing emotional situations. This is the area that concerns me with taking appetite suppressants - yes, I have noticed less hunger and have cut down on the serving sizes. This is the most important thing to be diligent in - most servings we eat are really 2 or 3 times what we should have and as I contemplate that stupid little double cheeseburger that packs a 430 calorie punch in a very little wrapper, I know that counting calories and bringing down your intake is paramount - especially if output is not increased to compensate!

This challenge constantly brings about change and in return, varies depending upon the change happening. A cooler weather pattern has me thinking warmth and I am fearful of those foods that offer comfort packaged with calories. It also means I must make sure to continue eating cold salads, fresh vegetables and fruit and, oh yes, drinking my water as required. Cold and cold just don't go together. And sometimes I think I'm just being lazy as it's easy to stay completely away from the kitchen - too much trouble to cook good food, all that chopping and sauteing - but then I realize I have to in order to eat well. It's also costly to buy a salad on the way home every day.

Those emotional stressors that accompany far off thoughts, perceived changes that may or may not appear on the horizon, the inner knowledge of things that are not as they should be, the worrisome "what-ifs" - are all concerns and for the moment, how I deal with them, or not deal with them, results in how I feel emotionally and what I feel like doing physically - all this affects action pertaining to a healthy lifestyle. The feel good boost from a chocolate bar or ice cream or... whatever... does a lot to ease the mind of troublesome thoughts because it brings your focus to the hedonistic value of taste and "savoring the moment," however fleeting that may be. Perhaps they can make a pill that would deal with (or at least make you forget about) debt, saving, making a home, growing old, keeping those you love near... a mega kg dose of dealing.

It's more than just a challenge at times - it's a struggle .

Week Excuse

There are a million of them - excuses, that is. And I could run the gamut, listing woe and why I have not posted since the end of last week. In my defense, the last thing I remember, August was waning and a hint of Autumn was already hitting the air with a gale force. The sunshine today, brings us back to mellow warmth, but in the back of our minds, sit impending images of falling leaves, heavy sweaters, failing daylight, and scraping the dew encrusted windshields too early in the morning. We won't go further than that as I am sure everyone has a good mental image of what happens next; those seasonal memories do not die. Those things above are well received if only they remained the least of our worries and the calendar year slips closer to the last quarter.

With all this change, comes the need to remain focused on the diet and what is required to meet certain expectations of this challenge. Drink your water! I must post a note or strap that bottle to my hand in an effort to continue drinking the required amount each day. It's easy to get all wrapped up in the warmth of a morning cup of coffee or two, and because it's cooler out, thirst is not as prominent, I find, but the need to keep up the task is something that we must continue, all year round.

I started a new round of diet pills that are bumped up in dosage to 15mg... only on second one today as I wanted to start mid week in case the bouts of insomnia hit - at least, I would have reprieve with an approaching long weekend. So far, there is no significant incline in that direction but perhaps my body is used to the 10mg and the extra 5 doesn't concern it, in that way. I am hoping this helps and I remain optimistic, hoping for more successful results at my next 2 week check in.

In addition to that, I have started the cholesterol pills and will go for a blood test and recheck in 6 weeks. Making things routine, just takes a concentrated effort to create yourself a schedule and sticking to it. I have been able to keep my breakfast regime of a bowl of Fiber 1 with 1% milk and fruit (blueberries, bananas, or strawberries) every morning and was extremely pleased to be able to stock up when one of my favorite shopping spots had the cereal on sale this week. Bonus! More routine - packing a lunch - I have noticed I am not so ravenously hungry when I get home in the evening anymore. Sometimes the urge to "munch" still hits me but I am trying to convince myself that a) I don't really need anything, b) OK, but just a piece of cheese, or c) I might as well just have something little because it will nag me until I do... and if I don't have what the craving is (if it can be identified) then I will chomp through 56 other things, finally relenting on the first thing I shouldn't have to begin with... I am happy to report that the tendency is to go with b, but I have fought myself, lately, and am even able to offer up a few a's.

The most consuming obsession - writing, and now publishing - is actually helping me to keep busy enough to forgo filling the thoughts of filling my face. I will admit, here openly and honestly, that Cadbury's chocolate covered peanuts have fallen into my possession lately, twice, but I really am keeping my off-the-wagon indulgences to a minimum and I am feeling much better for it.

Magic is Within - to a Certain Degree

There is no little magic pill.

It's that blatantly simple.

It's that confusingly complex.

Many would argue, and I would certainly agree, there are pills that save lives by keeping the recipients ... alive. They add something to the body's composition that is either lacking or they subtract that which is in excess. A normal system can fend for itself but many health issues are not just so easy to control with a practiced healthy living style. Medical issues can be less severe, postponed or in some cases, eradicated - but if a person is predisposed to a condition through genetics, then pills are going to be helpful, but not the saving grace. Here is where we say, the magic is within, to a certain degree. To "want to be healthy" and "being healthy" are ends unto their own. No matter how desperate someone is to be healthy, it is not possible to separate the dependency on pills from the desire to live free of them, if they are what keeps us living.

Overweight is a huge business, pun intended. Just plug in a search topic "diet pills" and the Internet is ripe with information - write ups and comments and claims, all over, state the same thing... "there is no magic pill when it comes to weight loss." A reasonably educated person knows that; I am also well aware of the dangers in relying on pills for helping with health situations. Trying to restore health to a body that has been mistreated - it's a long, long road to recovery. The little boost that a diet pill might give me is only the tip of the ice berg - there has to be a constant commitment to the health and well-being of a body, realizing that you only have one, and it should be a shrine, a temple, a possession to be treasured.

Obesity is outweighing most other health conditions, and it is even claimed to be of epidemic proportions in the US - I am sure that Canada does not fair much better in studies. An article on the web site Examiner.com reveals staggering and shocking statistics about being overweight and the probably of a shortened life span when it is part of what is known as the "deadly quartet" - high blood pressure, elevated bad cholesterol, and Type-2 diabetes.

So far, I have to combat two of the baddies, and came away from this morning's doctor's appointment with prescriptions in hand - Meridia for another two weeks and Crestor for moderating my moderately high cholesterol. Today, my results show that my weight dropped 4 lbs over the past two weeks, my blood pressure was great and there seems to be no lasting side-effects from taking the 10mg Meridia. My doctor has upped the dose to 15mg and perhaps, only a minor bout with insomnia might ensue while my body adjusts to the prescription. I still reserve judgment regarding its success for me, but am optimistic that things are improving with a constant watch on what I eat, making sure I drink my water, and taking the supplements I am currently on. The biggest change, other than getting back into a normal sleep pattern, was that I noticed portion size did decrease. My reservations in accepting big benefits with taking this diet pill, is that appetite did not always dictate what or how much was eaten. If the pill can suppress the desire for "feeling good" because of an awesome taste or comfort, then it might just work. I am open to being wrong on this one, for my sake.

I am happy to have found the doctor who is willing to appreciate my situation and help me with it, finding success in whatever way we need to. I go back in two weeks "just to check" and she apologized that she might seem like she's bugging me, but she just wants to be sure that this is working for me, and not against me. Once there is confirmation that things are moving along smoothly, I won't have to go back as often. I also have to go in six weeks for lab work to check on my blood and the cholesterol levels.

All in all, I am feeling not too bad even though I still don't have desire (or time) to go and exercise more, knowing full well that this is one thing my body reacts to in the weigh loss arena, having been there before. However, I am reluctant to over do anything to set myself "back." I am very pleased with the fact that I do not have to take over the counter or prescription back medication at this time.

One pill out. Two pills in.

The Day After

Yes, the title is the name of a disastrous apocalyptic movie, however, that state is quite descriptive of my report, my feelings and my results, at this time. The day, in short, did not go well... All my efforts, although not for naught, did not add up to the positive change I had hoped for. True, I am not as diligent as I should to be and have made the comment regarding my lackadaisical attitude at times. I am not, on purpose, sabotaging my challenge but I feel that my less than concentrated effort contributes to its lack of success. I am not prepared to do more exercise to win this challenge - I feel that my "accomplishment" of staying away from back pills is enough to keep me going and doing a little more, here and there. I'm a desk person who runs marathons with words and I know that doesn't help lessen my weight any, but that's where I am happy. To me, being happy equals feeling good and eating less. Don't ask me where the downfall is - because I just can't explain it with the changes that have been made. How bad was it, you ask?

My predictions were both wrong. My cholesterol actual hovers a smidgen above what it was at my last appointment AND I gained 2 lbs! NOT a happy camper today. No...

I talked to my doctor and told her of my exasperation. I knew that no change in my cholesterol meant pills but we talked and I decided I would try a prescribed diet pill first to see if it makes a difference for me. It is an appetite suppressant and knowing the emotional draw to food, the feel good feeling of taste, etc. I have my doubts whether they will suppress anything, if I really want to eat. Open mind. Open mind. (Close mouth...) Another up side, if you want to call it that, is my health plan from work actually covers these things (the pharmacist commented on the fact that most don't) so bonus. I will try the dosage for two weeks and watch for any adverse side effects (trying to block out those commercials that list the side effects a mile long making the original condition not so bad...lol) I go back in two weeks to check blood pressure, etc. and see what dosage I can manage. Start tomorrow when I pick up the prescription (Meridia), so will report from there what happens next.

In the meantime, I continue to try to cut out all that is not good for me - the stuff I know is not good for me yet I seem to be attached to it, despite the love for great tasting healthy food. Diligence. Persistence. Perseverance. Challenge. Frustration.

Confessions of a Cholesterol-holic

Not sure if there is even such a thing or person or condition - but it could be connected to the deep feelings we have with things we know are not good for us, yet still devour on occasion. This is where the confession part comes in, and geez, it's out there for all the world to know. I have eaten some things I know are not good for me but can't help myself - every once in awhile I get cravings, okay blind urges to indulge: that croissant with coffee the other day, the chocolate bar from the last stand before the check-out counter with groceries, the piece of dessert with lunch the other day at work, and that scrumptious piece of homemade pie after supper on the weekend... I know we need to allow ourselves that little bit of leeway because if we don't it just nags at us until we really cave.

I also wonder if I am really trying as hard as I can. Sometimes I think wow, victory and other times I feel like I am not really giving this the chance it deserves. I deserve. I am wondering how many little bad things eliminate all the good things you are attempting, achieving, and succeeding at. There have been changes for the better, and yet, there is so much more to do.

Tomorrow I go for the results of my cholesterol re-testing that the doctor ordered. The delay was to allow me to try and bring the numbers down myself with changes to diet, etc. I am not sure how it will go but I will place my prediction here and will compare once I get my results in the morning: I was at 4.0 LDL (bad) which is twice what it should be, although, overall I was told that I was only moderately high. I will predict I managed to bring it to a 3.6. I will also get myself weighed in and will predict that I lost 6 1bs. since my last doctor's appointment on June 23rd. It's not so much that I feel I was trying extremely hard to bring my numbers down, but I did make changes and ensure that some things become habits.

The Mayo Clinic rates the following 5 food categories or items to be the best in an attempt to lower bad cholesterol, while actually leaving good cholesterol alone or even raising it:
1. Eat foods high in fiber, such as oatmeal, oat bran or others - kidney beans, apples, pears, barley, and prunes are very good sources. *Kelsey and I have been watching the labels and trying to up our fiber intake. I believe a previous posting pondered the predicament of making precious pals with fiber packed food. We have bought a cereal that has 14g of fiber in 1/2 c.
2. It is recommended that you have two servings a week of fish and/or omega-3 fatty acids. Salmon, sardines, Albacore tuna and halibut are great examples - but remember to bake or grill them so as to not add unwanted fat to the fish. A supplement is good for some of the daily recommended allowances but fish is a better source due to the selenium content. *Although, we have had salmon recently we have not picked up the pace to twice a week yet. We have, however, been taking a daily flax oil supplement which is a source of omega-3 fatty acids. One of her clients recommended it to my daughter - this lady and her mother are living a very healthy life at 80 and 100.
3. Although high in calories, nuts - without salt or sugar coatings - are an excellent choice. Just a handful of walnuts, almonds, hazelnuts, pecans, peanuts, pistachios, and some pine nuts will do the trick. *We don't have them handy all the time, but I love nuts! Glad they are on the list but I do have to remember "only a handful" ... it's easy to get carried away.
4. Olive oil. Extra virgin olive oil. Use 2 tablespoons per day in place of other fats - saute vegetables, use as a marinade or a salad dressing. The warning is the same as nuts - it's high in calories so keep it to the minimum. *I use olive oil for cooking but must remember its other uses for vegetables and salads. I have a history with olive oil - when I was having problems with gall stones when I was younger, 2 tablespoons per day (right off the spoon!) helped soften stones enough to pass them. It finally got to me - the stones not the oil - and it seems that organ has no real use as I didn't have to be on a special diet in any way. Pity!
5. Foods with added plant sterols or stanols... this is confusing because it seems that common sterols are cholesterol (??? - maybe the good kind) and stanols are naturally occurring substances that block the absorption of sterols (??? - okay, that means they are the bad kind) - if anyone can comment and straighten this out for me - great - otherwise we'll let it be. Anyway, some margarine, orange juice, and yogurt drinks contain these components. *We use Becel (free advertising here, hope someone from Becel is reading this... :) and have tried a few different "blends" including: olive oil, low calorie, vegan, and regular. We prefer anything but the low calorie as that one just leaves your bread surface mushy - what's up with that? The others are great, almost tasting too good.

If we take all things above into consideration, there has been significant movement towards eating healthier. The best insurance is, of course, to cut back on total fat consumption especially saturated or trans fats. Reading those labels can be enlightening and trying to juggle all meals and snacks around what's needed and what's not is sometimes quite an act. But we are managing.

Well, time for the pursuit of another thing that does a body good - sleep. Good night and good cholesterol.

Keeping it a Priority

Tonight I realized I haven't written as many blogs this month, and in fact, the posts have steadily decreased since I started writing here at the end of March. After four months, my explanations and excuses could be many and varied, but perhaps there is some remnant of success that explains the apparent lackadaisical posting process.

The need to put things down on paper is a cleansing that purges bad thoughts, ill will and other misconceived components that clog up, not only the mind and spirit, but the physical body as well. The connection between all three facets of our being are not easily separated and when one does not function up to par, the others, in their attempt to compensate, sometimes fall behind as well. My attempt to document my challenge gained momentum as it plunged full speed ahead. I had something to prove - that my weight and the repeated efforts to lose it, are my challenge. No one else can do that for me, although, I am blessed with a wonderful support system - something required in any of life's challenges.

During the beginning of this effort, I found I had to make myself realize the areas that are my downfall and by writing about them, I was able to identify the things that I needed to change about myself in order to direct a change in things that were not going well for me. The repetition was systematic and I wrote more and posted regularly, in a scheduled manner, much like the one that is needed to take control of your eating, your exercise, your water consumption, your supplement and vitamin taking, toward implementing a general change in your life and your lifestyle.

Now, I am not claiming great feats of accomplishment but there is a balance that happens to show that the efforts are working in some respects. I don't have to continue to remind myself to drink more water, for instance. I always have a glass of water at home, or a bottle of water on my desk at work, and am enjoying just a glass of water with meals instead of other beverages. Pop and flavored-artificially-sweetened waters are no longer part of my regular intake. An overly busy life was usually the reason/excuse for fast food stops - I am just as busy but even when tired, it is more appealing to cook something healthy upon arriving home, than to stop and fill a hunger need with unhealthy substances. I have had the occasional McD's breakfast but nothing that would constitute a habit-forming precedence. I have, however, made taking multi-vitamins, D3, Flax Oil, and Calcium supplements a habit and this could contribute to the "feeling better in the bones." Mind you, there are still some aches and minor pains, but getting better all the time.

The Canada Health Food Guide recommendations have become a part of our routine - Kelsey and I are beginning to watch our intake to ensure we are getting the required servings of fruits, vegetables, protein, dairy products, grains ... and fibre. Once you start, believe me it works! Sweets are limited, white flour products are not used (whole wheat pasta is awesome!) and we are cooking more meals with olive oil using any and all non-fry methods of cooking. It takes time to get yourself into a routine but it soon becomes the norm. The secret to keeping yourself in a forward motion is not getting all hung up on days that might not seem as good - allowing yourself that craving once in awhile makes all the difference in accepting the rest of the time in a healthy way. Going out for a meal doesn't have to throw you off your "diet" if you just remember to select something that contributes to your change, rather than sabotaging it. (No fries!)

My concern that blogging here is reduced because of my concentration on the necessary changes can be taken as somewhat of a success, even though I am miles away from the award presentation! This is going to be continuous and is a matter that must be take seriously from now on.

My continuing challenge is to remember where I was, where I am, and where I am going. I am happy to say that my spirit is strong and here's hoping that my knees and hips last just as long.

Filling an Emotional Void

"Like anyone, I've had my down times and my desperate moments, but lately I've been able to move beyond distressing past situations and look toward the future - keeping my eye and focus on the immediate journey. It's too easy to get caught up in the what if's and self-pity based on things that happened to you, once upon a time."

I was here a couple of days ago (it's the 21st but as you will see by the date on the blog, I started the thought on the 19th) and saved the above paragraph to drafts because I did not have the time, feeling or the where-with-all to complete the thought. It is amazing how something that is abandoned dwells in the deepest part of you, reminding you that "I'm still here, come finish what you started." Returning to this thought I, of course, have ventured beyond the realm of it making any sense because the roller-coaster took a turn and I found myself speeding downhill again. But isn't that the way the ride goes? Ever steady climb to a euphoric high, with a sudden plateau - where you might just stay forever, however, that's not what the cards have in store for you - and then you find yourself speeding toward an end that might do any one of a number of things. You just pray it isn't "crash."

We've all reveled in the fact that my back pill use has been suspended and except for some tired body parts after a day's exertion, it has been more the norm for me. I have not come close to what I should be doing for exercise but it is a far cry more than I've been able to do. It is going on three and a half weeks without and the pain has been negligible until - yesterday. My last blog of "mind over matter" came rushing up to meet me, suggesting that my physical health is more tied to my mental and emotional health than I have previously expounded. I know this to be true - it is the feeling of euphoria that fills that emotional void and whether that is the excitement of a new business venture, the passion of a craft honed to perfection day by day, or the love of a significant other, or an addictive substance, like food - everybody relies subconsciously on that special something/someone and when it doesn't exist in a good way, we rely on the things that are bad for us.

Yesterday, I received some news that revealed upsetting concerns with a project I am working on. It was distressing in obvious (answered emails) and subconscious ways (now what can I do) and by the time I arrived home, although very carefully, I almost couldn't walk due to the pain in my lower back/hip joint. It was obvious to me that the mental and emotional "pain" manifested itself as physical pain. This project has brought me immense joy and a realization of a dream, even though it has produced an equally immense amount of work. Something that I gladly take on because of the end product. This project has come to the level that it has in the past three to four weeks. The sudden doubt that hit yesterday is the only explanation I have for the equally sudden pain in my lower joints.

I have come up with a decision and have taken action to rectify the sudden concerns - I am hoping that by the weekend the pain will have subsided again and I can move forward. I still have not taken any pills so am hoping I can weather this brief storm. The "diet" continues with an increase in water intake, increase in fruits and vegetables and a concentrated effort to not eat what's bad for my health. There were a couple of things in the past couple of days that entered the zone and shouldn't have, but hey, don't dwell on failures - focus on successes.

I need to book a blood test too - re: cholesterol check. I am hoping it has gone done even a bit giving me the motivation to try to bring it down some more, on my own. Trying to avoid more pills at all costs...

If you want to freak yourself out (like I did with the cat) consider my horoscopes for the past two days. I don't read them and shape my day to what they proclaim - rather, I read them and see if they actually fit to what already happened. I've had some extremely "on" readings.

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19) - Tuesday, July 20

Although you begin the day with high expectations, a combination of events hijacks your day and diminishes your productivity. Your lackadaisical attitude can mess things up even more. Fortunately, you are able to prevent a downward spiral by simply paying attention to the situation instead of burying your head in the sand. Surprisingly, no direct action is required; problems should start to resolve later in the day if you maintain a high level of vigilance.

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19) - Wednesday, July 21
You can see around the next bend now and you may be surprised that what's ahead is more familiar than you expected. Nevertheless, it's frustrating when you know what you want but cannot reach your goal by yourself. Once again you are faced with the realization that you must take other people's feelings into consideration when making your own plans. Luckily, with a little patience, you'll be able to establish relationships that support your vision of the future.

You have to know me and my situation to really know how uncanny the above statements really are as a reflection of what actually happened. Like it says, "a little patience" is what's needed. I can add to that "and a whole lot of perseverance."

Take care and have a great week.

Mind Over Matter

First of all, I hope you don't mind that this little blog appears to be neglected, having gone just over a week without an updating post. In my own defense, I could produce reams of evidence to support my writing habit with quite a number of other things in that time, and - you'll just have to believe me on this one - I have been consciously aware of the things going on around me to do with food, and dieting, and losing weight. In relation to the big picture, it does not matter that I have not written here but it does matter that things are going magically well. Do let me explain.

I have an enormous plate full of all kinds of delicious temptations and treats; they all keep me satiated and I'd even venture out as far as to say, contented, and almost happy. It's not that I was ever totally discontented or unhappy - just frustrated and restricted in certain areas of my life. It is hard to explain and yet it isn't. The feeling might be difficult to express but the situation I am sure is familiar to others, therefore, allowing for some kind of sympathy. One cautionary note I must make at this time ... is that this plate full of goodies is NOT food and it is nice to be full of other things rather than just caloric-intensified-sustenance. What changed? Not sure, it's a mystery.

I reported that I have been without back pain medication since I ran out of the prescription I was trying after my last doctor's appointment. I have not asked for the refill yet and with the exception of a couple of Tylenol on the odd day, I have been without pain assistance now for two weeks AND I have done more work around my mom's yard than I have been able to do for awhile now. Sweat-inducing, muscle reminding labor - yesterday was particularly gratifying as I was able to do approximately five hours of work without wimping out... and I even got out of bed this morning with a smile on my face. I feel it today - but it's that muscle -ouch- remember you have them - ache.

I can only accredit this change to "mind over matter" thinking that some of the internal mental and emotional decisions have attributed to the change and the gradual increase in my physical well-being. I have been eating better; drinking my water; encouraged by my family and friends and reciprocating that with my daughter's better health regime; getting back to what I love to do like volunteering for the local Shakespeare festival; I'm starting a company with a group of friends; and the biggest break from the past is that I have accepted if someone comes along who loves writing and would share his time with my writer's group, then I may be interested in a mutual relationship, but I am not searching anymore. The alone time is conducive to creativity and productivity, although the loneliness still strikes at times, but the mere hint of acceptance has given me some kind of magical freedom.

I can only say that perhaps the recent lunar and solar eclipse, the way of the world, mother nature's course, my ultimate journey, and a determined Aries spirit guide me. This is my challenge and however I meet it is the "write" way... the ending is yet to be determined and a long way off. Slow down. I hear ya.

"Dream of the end goal but focus on the journey - you might miss something spectacular along the way." (c) Linda J. Pedley

p.s. I just freaked myself out - felt my cat rub up against my leg under my desk... the cat's lying in the other room!!!!!!!!!

I Didn't Fall off the Wagon

Ha! So, here it is - my post will show that I am a week behind and that really isn't true at all. I've just not been HERE to post and not because I haven't been thinking about writing here. The commitment has made a permanent dent in the back of my mind, reminding me that "you have to post on your challenge or they'll all think you've given up and gone home..." Well, my dear reader-follower-friends (you know who you are) I have not fallen off the wagon or under the apple cart or even succumbed to a fast-f00d frenzy of macs and fries and cakes and pies.

Not a chance! I am glad I waited until today to post because I am feeling quite good about most things. Some time along the way I might have been singing and writing a different tune, but today went well enough. I didn't even have to take a back pill - in all reality, I ran out and haven't been to the pharmacy to refill 'em but chanced the day without, remaining upright and regular enough to post this message somewhat late in the evening.

So mid-week last week, I went into the doctor's office to discuss some results. I do believe I mentioned that in my last post and at the time I remember feeling a little at odds with the whole situation given her usual procedure - she doesn't call you unless something needs to be discussed or something is wrong. Well, worry. Can you say "osteopenia?" It appears I have a thinning of the bones - not as serious as osteoporosis but could be a precursor - which cannot really be reversed although it can be slowed or stopped or something with pills and what have you. I have recently taken to the habit of calcium and vitamin D3 so have chosen to take the year to see how the situation measures up by then. Some pills are an apparent pain to take; some are expensive but work and are not covered by health plans; some are inexpensive and are covered by health plans and are a scheduling nightmare; shots are available that last a long time, however, cost hundreds of dollars and are, again, not covered. Oh, decisions, decisions. How about none? The good news is that tests showed my heart is good (it's also true, although a little cracked) and the mamms are apparently healthy even if a bit lumpy...

I am still watching what I eat, literally, although with some abandon but with constant reminder that: I must eat certain things, can't eat certain things, and I don't care either way and eat some things, anyway. I am drinking lots of water, and no, I haven't taken up any form of sweat-producing or weight-bearing exercise. That whole suggestion threw me considering my knees already have a problem "bearing" the weight I have already, why not throw in a bit more, for good measure? Don't know what I'm waiting for but it just doesn't seem to fit into the plan right at the moment. I'm busy writing, building publishing empires, and keeping up with everything else on my plate. Not literally.

My successes in other areas, at times, take attention off this challenge - but it never goes away. I am reminded of it when: I can't find clothes to wear because I have to wear the same things over and over that fit me right now; I limit what I do, even if I feel not so bad, because I know I will pay for it in the end (or there abouts); I don't have a relationship to speak of or can claim to have had anything remotely close to what I would call a date, of late; and I couldn't lie on the bone density machine bed thingy for fear of it collapsing into a huge heap of imaging metal...... okay, it wasn't that bad and... they have alternatives for us larger people. And although I have not lost weight further to the last weigh-in, I have not gained anthing, except perspective :)

All humor aside, this is no laughing matter. I intend to do what I can to combat this foe and do take this challenge seriously, at least 99% of the time. That remaining 1% has to exist to allow me to get that kick-it-in-the-butt realization that something has to be done because it is.... do it or die.

p.s. in posting this, I wish my mom a speedy recovery from a sudden bladder infection - be strong and flush it away - love you!

And So It Goes

Headlines: Physical Exertion Kills Me... or Lawn Work Mowed Me Over... Yes, I felt the after effects of a few hours at Mom's helping with the yard work. Geez, you'd think I ran a marathon. It gave me a much needed chance to get some sweat-breaking exercise and some sunshine, fresh air, and wonderful time spent with my Mom... but get home and take a nap was quick on the heels of the deed. It wiped me out for the night and that meant I was 'write' out of it.

The challenge remains even though there are a couple of deviations in the diet - not many,and far between - but some things go in that shouldn't. I laugh and recall my comment about anything with a gold brown coating - lol -

Positives - I am managing to maintain my water intake and vitamins as required. I keep reminding myself that in a few months I can look back and say "I'm glad I did all that..." as long as I keep reminding myself that what I am doing right now will form those results.

Ponderings - I often wonder how boring this must be to read. Yes, it's my attempt to meet (lol I just typed meat...) my challenge head on but everyone has their own obstacles and hurdles in life, and really, is this interesting? I can throw in the odd joke or not so odd joke, make a punny here and there but perhaps your comments should include some questions that I might answer or might avoid and then in the avoiding come up with some really good reading - stories that run all around but never hit on the middle, the core, the real deal.

Or, we can just continue like this and I can say I have to go to the doctor on Wednesday to "discuss some results." Perhaps that's the issue I am dancing around and feel down about even though I don't know anything about it yet - and it could be nothing, nothing at all - or something as simple as an infection, yes, that's it - bladder infections are fairly common...

Will post then, once I know - maybe it's nothing and then I really have NO excuse not to get moving and lose weight - well, except for my back that limits my movements at times. But, we will see, soon enough.

Moderately Well

Sometimes I think things are going smoothly and I am contented that the little effort is paying off and then it goes south for a bit and then climbs again... rising and falling like the waves on the ocean with nothing between you and the bottom but a PFD full of air... life savers come in all colors, shapes and sizes and keep you from drowning in every metaphorical way. I consider many people to be life savers - family, friends - and also things, like my job - it gets me out of the house, gives me some kind of routine, offers challenges to my mind and my analytical thinking, and of course, brings me a much needed pay cheque.

Much by the same token, I consider my writing a life saver in that it keeps me absorbed and busy so that idle hands don't feed idle mouth that ends up on idle butt and thighs. Sitting for long periods of time is not life saving, however. It's a tug-of-war because I still am not really interested in doing much more in the way of exercise even though I realize the expenditure of calories is what I need most to find success with this diet challenge.

Today I went for more tests... I do believe they are the last batch until next month's check on the cholesterol level. Nothing now but the waiting and if I don't hear anything, that's good news. It will then be all up to me and I'll have to step it up a notch - just wondering how that's going to be possible when I am already doing too much. The good news from today was that I apparently have dropped another 3 pounds since my last doctor's appointment.

I also read recently that the body holds onto weight due to the deficiency in calcium and you have trouble losing weight when your body's working against you to hold on to it. My doctor just prescribed 1500 mg of calcium per day as well as 2000 iu of Vitamin D (I use the D3 combo) and Kelsey and I also started taking flax seed oil caplets. So hopefully, with all these little changes, things will start to move along.

All in all, I consider myself to be doing, moderately well. Looking forward to an enjoyably busy summer and some much needed sunshine now... hint, hint weather.

Oh, where, oh where...

...has my little dog gone or where, oh where, have I been?

First off, no little dog here so no little dog gone. And secondly, been nowhere different from my usual, normal, crazy week with a slight bit of down time about Thursday. It's funny I can usually gauge the week by my overwhelming propensity to want to nap by Thursday afternoon - and to top it all off, it would be considered a "short" week by all those who have a holiday Monday in their schedule.

I can add up the number of things I accomplished, however, and see that the desire for sleep was a normal occurrence and probably one felt by many - considering the weather. The grey skies, wind and cold tend to make one want to just stay curled up in bed deep under the down, dreaming of a long morning sleep-in and a slow cup of coffee once the urge to venture forth hits... if it does.

I was up bright and shining on my holiday Monday to be out the door and at the lab for blood work - I have a multitude of tests to complete and I am thankful that I have a young doctor who seems to be very thorough in her examination of new patients. I am hoping that all turn out great and, if so, then it is on to working on the weight issue with more attention and focus than I have already been attempting. More willpower and positive choices are required to make a difference - it's just difficult getting there all at once. I received a few emails and visited Internet news links that provided information on various dieting topics; most of the tips extol the virtues of a natural, healthy lifestyle. There are those things you should ensure are included in your diet (blueberries, garlic, olive oil) as well as those things that should be avoided (artificial sweeteners, white flour) - at all costs.

My report for this week: I made small victories in that I, on two occasions, chose salad when I went out to eat. Yes, it accompanied the main part of the meal (chicken wrap for one, a chicken sandwich for another) but it was better than choosing the alternative - fries. The down side to this was that, yes, I went out twice for meals - one for a birthday lunch at work and one for an evening out with a friend. I would beg to argue that the emotional and social aspects of these meals were more beneficial than the actual food - sometimes it's nice not to worry about the things that haunt you because living in complete denial only brings you down - depressing!

I have made meals; I have ignored meals; I parked further from my destination one day to walk more; I parked closer on another; I felt happy; I felt "what the hell" another time; I drank my water; I cried... and I've asked why. Why am I doing this? How could I have possibly let myself get to this point? Can I hang in there?

The short answers are: for me, because, and yes, I'll try. I realize that there are too many opportunities out there to not care and make it a priority. There are too many moments to still enjoy with family and friends. There are still many mountains to climb.

...and there are still millions of words to write.

Fast, Fast, Fast

Fast. This is not just a reference to how the weekend is passing, dwindling away and with barely any sunshine at all! It is not warm here - they even have a "frost warning" flashing on the weather network for tonight. Glad I don't do the gardening thing. Still, it would have been nice to try out the lovely large lounging balcony, but perhaps there will be another time for that.

Instead of soaking up the sun or the rain as the case may be, I've been soaking up the monitor for the past two days. Working on some writing projects and posting new stuff to the blogs and web sites etc.etc... Spent the weekend at home alone and sometimes that is not a good thing for the food situation - meaning it is readily available any time - the one good thing about it is, we've recently invested in stocking the kitchen with healthy stuff. Can you really eat too much fruit or vegetables? I noticed an uncaring attitude towards eating after my disappointment on Friday - it almost feels like, what's the point? Try. Try harder. And still get nowhere?

No worries. The tests are underway in order to ensure I don't have some dread disease or something that might need more attention than I am willing to give at this time. No matter how much you do well, there is always something that is not good enough. I only drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning. Doc says that's good. I don't smoke. Doc says that's great. I haven't been eating chips (none since March 29 or prior) or chocolate bars (rarely) or too much ice cream ( a couple of times since March 29 or prior). I have cut out French Fries (only twice, April 3 and May 18 since March 29 or prior) and have increased my fruit and vegetable servings dramatically. I don't, however, get enough milk - see, always something - I have been eating yogurt, though, so that should count... now have to remember the supplement. Oh, well.

I really wonder sometimes if anyone really gets how hard this is - those who are going through it do, but anyone without a weight problem or a dependency on a need to fill a hole that you wouldn't think evident in a usually outwardly semi-contented, semi-happy person. There are so many worse things, I know, but this is my bane and I must endure. I try not to think in the negatives about being overweight, about being alone, about struggling to let go of stress and over indulgence.

I cry. I remember. I think. I stop and then start all over again. I go on. At times, it feels like for naught but it is ... it is for me. Am I not worth it?

p.s. Fast. Good way not to eat for a duration of time... and then again I think woo-hoo - not so bad as I'll be sleeping for most of it! Nothing for 12 hours - blood tests in the morning - yes the clinic is open. I noticed the sign on the door Friday when I had done what I could. Othello, my low talking, mumbling, and I couldn't hear half of what he was saying lab technician says "don't you want to come back when you're ready to do all the tests?" No... do what you can now and I will come back for the rest! So we did and I will and 8:00 on a holiday morning will come early.

The Answer is Blowing in the Wind

I guess that's the one of the comments that speaks to something that obviously doesn't have a convenient in your face answer. It also speaks to the day and the weather conditions outside. Leave it to Alberta to fan the fires with high temperatures, low moisture levels and increased wind velocity. I say this in reference to the wildfires that burn out of control northeast of here and it reminds me that there is always something worse than your own condition. Some things you can control - others are beyond it.

As we move through this life, lessons are learned and one would think they would have been learned long ago; however, sometimes the repetition of errors and the anguish of painful choices is the only way that correct answers eventually sink in. Like taking care of you- eating right, living healthy, keeping a positive attitude. It's what's right yet it is these very conditions that have to be applied, tried and relied upon for consistency.

Contentment and placement have never been my strong suit - there has always been some reason to move on, to change, to do something other than the status quo. Change for the sake of change just adds to an already disheveled lifestyle. Grounded. I need to be grounded - to the earth and nature - to natural and calm. It takes practice and application, but I see some light in the distance and there is always hope.

Our move away from convenience (as in fast food) and deletion of additives (as in preservatives and artificial) is making us (Kelsey and I) more aware of how certain things make us feel. Once you start to make a change, you realize the difference a little bit at a time can make. Cutting out greasy, fatty, high calorie empty foods that provide no nutritional value are one way to start to feel that change occurring. This is the kind of change we need. No French fries, potato chips, donuts, diet pop, canned goods that contain too much salt or MSG, etc... Can I have more fresh vegetables and fruit please? Yes. Definitely, yes!

It's a job in itself to keep up with this awareness but is it not the kind of thing that makes life better? Like I said before, some of these things should be done away with on the societal level to impose a widespread, healthy community cure. I can report that I feel a difference for me already and see it in Kelsey, as we both move together in support of a change that makes living and being healthy a priority.

There are still miles to go - but at least we are on the right path.

Lost in Pace

Returning to work after a dozen days away has been somewhat taxing on the system. I am most certainly feeling better - at least in the ways compared to feeling ill with the flue. There are others things that I have noticed returned upon my resumption of the daily grind. It only goes to confirm that I would be much better off staying home... I wish.

But seriously, I am not sure if it is the taxing nature of the get-up-and-go or intermittent lack of lack of movement that really gets to me; or the things that seem to be stressors - my daughter says I'm stressed out about stuff - I thought I was handling things well but apparently not. I have a desk job and it is necessary to remember to get up and wander about in order to keep from getting too stiff. Maybe it's the chair. Maybe it's the shoes I am wearing. I just don't know and it almost makes it impossible to formulate some kind of action. Some things can't be changed or helped so the results are not going to change either.

My legs and feet have begun to swell again ??? They were fine last week. So I asked myself what changed? I am watching what I eat and except for the over indulgence in cake the past weekend (okay, it was just Mother's Day and Birthdays and, yes I had to eat it although my daughter said "Mom, you can just throw it out." Really? Waste cake? No, and yes, because eating it "waists" it as well...) I am honestly doing much better with meals and snacks, etc.

We have been cooking more at home (evident by the number of dishes in the sink) and there have been no fast food stops. I've been having something for breakfast and have been making sure I have lots of vegetables and fruit. And water.

I have a doctor's appointment next week so this will begin the check ups and tests - usually and otherwise - for everything to see what's up and what's wrong or what's right. It will be good to get results and know that for sure it's not something serious. If all is okay, I will then push a little harder and try to do more to increase my activity. It's a wait and see game for now but I am feeling good about the prospects, for the time being.

Tied up in Knots

It was a night to end all nights! I just wish it would have ended itself...

Reporting on weight loss and trying to eat healthy is not going well when I have been unwell for the past four days. An over tired me picked up some wayward flu bug and have been suffering since. This is not how to go about watching what you eat! I've done the tea with honey, plain crackers, rice and vegetables with salmon (one great supper amongst the pittance), cereal with yogurt (so I can take my back pills) - nothing is sticking around long enough for me to be concerned about it.

A friend recommended Imodium to give "rapid relief of diarrhea" and it seemed it would work and that would be a welcome reprieve from the close relationship I was developing with the throne. Have chicken soup, too. Okay, so me being brilliant in my illness-induced stupor had a bowl of simulated chicken flavored noodles (you know, add water and ta-da!) ... progressively worse by bed time and I didn't sleep at all with pains in so many places I almost woke Kelsey to take me to emergency. It felt like all the noodles decided to stick together and plan an attack on my innards as one big lump. I felt it as they passed through every organ - but not before they just sat there causing me immense grief for a few uncomfortable, sleepless hours. I lost count how many times I was up and this morning when the diarrhea returned, I was relieved. HOW sad is that?

So back to square one - wondering what to eat that won't eat me back...

I am trying to drink too but blah... water on an empty stomach is really yucky.

p.s. only good news is that my legs and feet are not swollen - I'm thinking that all the garbage built up in me must have escaped :) also, my doctor's appointment went well enough for a meet and greet; now booked for tests and physical in 3 weeks. At least that's something.

Time and Temptation

So... don't look at the date and say "where have you been?" I know, I know... you're probably thinking I fell off the apple cart and baked a few pies on my way down. Oh, ye o' little faith... lol.

I can actually report a very good week and am starting to feel better - off and on - in some ways. The water consumption is "flowing" along as I remember to have at least 3 bottles a day and I am working my way up to more. No matter - it's becoming a habit. I have also steered clear of the fast food places except for a couple of McWraps the other night when I was running here, there and everywhere after my writer's meeting - yes, it was way back on Tuesday. I think that's a big one for me - not stopping along the way home just because it is easy to do so AND I don't think about grabbing more than I really need to fill that hunger that might have been ignored earlier on.

Another great step in the right direction includes having breakfast most every morning which means I'm up early enough to take the time to do so. I don't like to be late but I have noticed when there are too many things on my plate (ah, don't you love that expression......focus.......) I tend to run a little behind at times. Thinking on correcting that as we speak and then I look at the clock, knowing it is time for bed but I'm still trying to fit in as many things as possible before I do, because I know that this week is going to be another crazy one.

I have had some good food this past week, remembering whenever possible to eat more fruit or vegetables than other stuff and sometimes leaving out certain things altogether - like no bread or no fries or no pastry with my coffee. I did stop once for a specialty coffee when a group of us met after our Conference set-up on Friday night. It was a green tea latte and I felt I deserved it this one time. I have also worked up a sweat a couple of times the past week and I remember hearing somewhere that if you don't your body doesn't clear toxins or something like that. There is another conundrum due to the fact that things hurt and to move at a fast enough pace to work up a sweat, is sometimes not possible BUT I am not giving up and sitting this one out just yet.

The keeping busy is what keeps me on track because I have too much to do that it doesn't allow me to sit and do nothing - like watch endless TV. I will catch a show here and there, probably no more than a couple of hours per week and I do like to watch movies, and lately, it works out to about one a week. I have a stack of books by my bed that I have started to read (one at a time!) and the bulk of my time, other than work is writing and writing-related. Movement and stretching is of utmost importance because all of my work and hobbies and interests involve sitting - my butt loves it but the rest of my body doesn't because I even get stiff and sore just sitting.

This week ended with a gratifying close as the 2010 Writers Conference for the group I belong to hosted a very successful event on Saturday. I was tired and sore but the feelings and memories that will last from that day made up for the physical depletion - I went home and needed to rest. I lay down by 7:00 pm and slept; although not straight through, I didn't get up again until 7:00 am Sunday morning.

Another piece of good news for the week - the doctor's office where I put my name on the list to become a new patient called, and I now have an appointment on Friday this week. It will be good to discuss with her everything that needs to be done and check everything out. Peace of mind will further help my challenge, especially if nothing is seriously wrong - then I know I can really push myself to succeed.

It's already a new day and a new week coming down to the end of my favorite month for another year. I've often told myself secretly "if I make it past my birthday, I'm here for another year" and I intend to make it a good one.