Fast. This is not just a reference to how the weekend is passing, dwindling away and with barely any sunshine at all! It is not warm here - they even have a "frost warning" flashing on the weather network for tonight. Glad I don't do the gardening thing. Still, it would have been nice to try out the lovely large lounging balcony, but perhaps there will be another time for that.
Instead of soaking up the sun or the rain as the case may be, I've been soaking up the monitor for the past two days. Working on some writing projects and posting new stuff to the blogs and web sites etc.etc... Spent the weekend at home alone and sometimes that is not a good thing for the food situation - meaning it is readily available any time - the one good thing about it is, we've recently invested in stocking the kitchen with healthy stuff. Can you really eat too much fruit or vegetables? I noticed an uncaring attitude towards eating after my disappointment on Friday - it almost feels like, what's the point? Try. Try harder. And still get nowhere?
No worries. The tests are underway in order to ensure I don't have some dread disease or something that might need more attention than I am willing to give at this time. No matter how much you do well, there is always something that is not good enough. I only drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning. Doc says that's good. I don't smoke. Doc says that's great. I haven't been eating chips (none since March 29 or prior) or chocolate bars (rarely) or too much ice cream ( a couple of times since March 29 or prior). I have cut out French Fries (only twice, April 3 and May 18 since March 29 or prior) and have increased my fruit and vegetable servings dramatically. I don't, however, get enough milk - see, always something - I have been eating yogurt, though, so that should count... now have to remember the supplement. Oh, well.
I really wonder sometimes if anyone really gets how hard this is - those who are going through it do, but anyone without a weight problem or a dependency on a need to fill a hole that you wouldn't think evident in a usually outwardly semi-contented, semi-happy person. There are so many worse things, I know, but this is my bane and I must endure. I try not to think in the negatives about being overweight, about being alone, about struggling to let go of stress and over indulgence.
I cry. I remember. I think. I stop and then start all over again. I go on. At times, it feels like for naught but it is ... it is for me. Am I not worth it?
p.s. Fast. Good way not to eat for a duration of time... and then again I think woo-hoo - not so bad as I'll be sleeping for most of it! Nothing for 12 hours - blood tests in the morning - yes the clinic is open. I noticed the sign on the door Friday when I had done what I could. Othello, my low talking, mumbling, and I couldn't hear half of what he was saying lab technician says "don't you want to come back when you're ready to do all the tests?" No... do what you can now and I will come back for the rest! So we did and I will and 8:00 on a holiday morning will come early.
Instead of soaking up the sun or the rain as the case may be, I've been soaking up the monitor for the past two days. Working on some writing projects and posting new stuff to the blogs and web sites etc.etc... Spent the weekend at home alone and sometimes that is not a good thing for the food situation - meaning it is readily available any time - the one good thing about it is, we've recently invested in stocking the kitchen with healthy stuff. Can you really eat too much fruit or vegetables? I noticed an uncaring attitude towards eating after my disappointment on Friday - it almost feels like, what's the point? Try. Try harder. And still get nowhere?
No worries. The tests are underway in order to ensure I don't have some dread disease or something that might need more attention than I am willing to give at this time. No matter how much you do well, there is always something that is not good enough. I only drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning. Doc says that's good. I don't smoke. Doc says that's great. I haven't been eating chips (none since March 29 or prior) or chocolate bars (rarely) or too much ice cream ( a couple of times since March 29 or prior). I have cut out French Fries (only twice, April 3 and May 18 since March 29 or prior) and have increased my fruit and vegetable servings dramatically. I don't, however, get enough milk - see, always something - I have been eating yogurt, though, so that should count... now have to remember the supplement. Oh, well.
I really wonder sometimes if anyone really gets how hard this is - those who are going through it do, but anyone without a weight problem or a dependency on a need to fill a hole that you wouldn't think evident in a usually outwardly semi-contented, semi-happy person. There are so many worse things, I know, but this is my bane and I must endure. I try not to think in the negatives about being overweight, about being alone, about struggling to let go of stress and over indulgence.
I cry. I remember. I think. I stop and then start all over again. I go on. At times, it feels like for naught but it is ... it is for me. Am I not worth it?
p.s. Fast. Good way not to eat for a duration of time... and then again I think woo-hoo - not so bad as I'll be sleeping for most of it! Nothing for 12 hours - blood tests in the morning - yes the clinic is open. I noticed the sign on the door Friday when I had done what I could. Othello, my low talking, mumbling, and I couldn't hear half of what he was saying lab technician says "don't you want to come back when you're ready to do all the tests?" No... do what you can now and I will come back for the rest! So we did and I will and 8:00 on a holiday morning will come early.
