Another Week Gone Bye-bye

Considering the overall changes I've made (few) and the progress I feel is there, (perhaps all in my mind) I would have to say I don't feel too bad, considering all. I will have to check in with the doctor again next week (I forgot to phone on Friday!) if I am to refill the diet pills - I let four weeks go by instead of two for a check in. Then, I'll have to go again in two or three weeks to have my blood work rechecked and hopefully six weeks on Crestor will result in some kind of change (minuscule?). I've been managing to fit breakfast in every day (Fiber 1 and fruit and 1% milk) and by taking a lunch I find that I am really not too hungry at supper time. (too lazy to cook anyway...) Diet-wise I am hanging in there, noticing at times I am diligent at refusing to give in to certain cravings, then turn around and in another instance, I cave. Just a small cave like something chocolate with nuts or an ice cream - no chips or fries or donuts (small greasy victories). I don't weigh myself all the time (don't have a scale at home) so gauging by some of my clothes and comparing the way they used to fit to how they fit now, I think I could safely say I have lost a couple more pounds. The horror (ugh!) of it all is a scary realization that looking trim and firming up is not going to happen without exercise to tone muscles and bring in that skin that seems to have lost its elasticity. I guess it's only me that has to deal with the sight of a baggy body, so I do (I close my eyes or dress in the dark... lol) - I don't expect to get too close to anyone in the near future, anyway. Lost my desire? No, but just facing a reality that certain things might not be in the stars for me. I feel sad when I think like that and then have to bite it, before I bite off something to chew and eat it and then the vicious cycle begins... There are many things going on in my head right now, that focusing on one thing to change is not easy. There is no use worrying about the future wondering what's going to happen and what changes might need to be made. I thought I had that worrying thing under control but I realize lately that my daughter is probably right - I worry too much about too many things. "No, I don't" I say but some annoying habits have come to my attention that can only indicate a nervousness or agitation of some sort. I am thinking (or hoping as a way to explain it) maybe it's a reaction or side effect to the pills I am on, but I'm not sure. My nails have always taken the brunt of it and I can be good and leave them alone - then they're gone like they were on the chopping block or something. My cuticles are a mess and with the cooler weather, dry skin is returning with a vengeance. I have also noticed that my mouth is really bothering me - today, culminating in an obsession that I cannot quit even if I consciously try to - I've been picking at teeth, sucking on gums, poking with tongue into crevices - and now my tongue and lips hurt and my mouth has an uncomfortable dryness... yuck! It's enough to make me cry (and I do, at times, for a moment, then move on) and I wish I could explain all this so I understood it, and I know if I can't, others surely won't. This is one of those posts that goes no where fast, except downhill; brought on by guilt of not writing to my challenge sooner and being too tired earlier to want to and then after deciding it was time to go to bed, keep on plugging (playing stupid computer games) away and all of a sudden it's midnight and there is nothing more to do but write something foolish and long-winded. It's a confession, I guess, or a virtual visit with a couch-less shrink - myself. I need a diversion...

How about that weather today?

And So It Goes

Headlines: Physical Exertion Kills Me... or Lawn Work Mowed Me Over... Yes, I felt the after effects of a few hours at Mom's helping with the yard work. Geez, you'd think I ran a marathon. It gave me a much needed chance to get some sweat-breaking exercise and some sunshine, fresh air, and wonderful time spent with my Mom... but get home and take a nap was quick on the heels of the deed. It wiped me out for the night and that meant I was 'write' out of it.

The challenge remains even though there are a couple of deviations in the diet - not many,and far between - but some things go in that shouldn't. I laugh and recall my comment about anything with a gold brown coating - lol -

Positives - I am managing to maintain my water intake and vitamins as required. I keep reminding myself that in a few months I can look back and say "I'm glad I did all that..." as long as I keep reminding myself that what I am doing right now will form those results.

Ponderings - I often wonder how boring this must be to read. Yes, it's my attempt to meet (lol I just typed meat...) my challenge head on but everyone has their own obstacles and hurdles in life, and really, is this interesting? I can throw in the odd joke or not so odd joke, make a punny here and there but perhaps your comments should include some questions that I might answer or might avoid and then in the avoiding come up with some really good reading - stories that run all around but never hit on the middle, the core, the real deal.

Or, we can just continue like this and I can say I have to go to the doctor on Wednesday to "discuss some results." Perhaps that's the issue I am dancing around and feel down about even though I don't know anything about it yet - and it could be nothing, nothing at all - or something as simple as an infection, yes, that's it - bladder infections are fairly common...

Will post then, once I know - maybe it's nothing and then I really have NO excuse not to get moving and lose weight - well, except for my back that limits my movements at times. But, we will see, soon enough.

Dealing with Grey Days

The weather, feelings and events all play significant roles in how we perceive our lives and how successful we are at our attempts to make things right for ourselves. The weather - it's been grey and verging on miserable. It could be worse but it could also have the propensity to reflect a sunny disposition upon us if it were forecast to do so. There is no control on this factor and we must make the best of it. Grey days sometimes = wanting to devour comfort food to either warm you up, distract you, or just plain make you feel better. I am holding out (smiles like a champion) and one good way is to not have that kind of food in the house.

Feelings - controlled by the weather and it's affect on you; driven by your health and ability to do things; sometimes shaped by the events and happenings around you, often not in your control. You are not an island and what happens in this world, in your own community, in your household and the ever so close, in your heart... affects you. Again, this can equal wanting to divulge in mega pounds of chocolate, or pizza, or grande lattes... Again I am holding out (sheepish smile) all the while, thinking of what I might make for breakfast, knowing I would rather shove a whole pie in the hole. Another good deterrent is the "day before pay day."

Events - keeping busy is the best recourse as it focuses your mind and actions on things that need to be done because they are required, not because they are desired by some remote craving. The downside to this, is the fact that my back hurts and my bones ache (weather?) and I am tired (drained by keeping busy) and therefore, need to pull back and in my case, it means sometimes just missing work to rest and hopefully feel better the next day. It's not all going to go away - just like that - but I know that working on it a little at a time will help.

This is my underlying project for this year - to feel better! I'm not yet going great guns due to the fact that a) it hurts and b) I am working on getting a doctor's appointment to narrow down and confirm if necessary, the diagnosis received last year for my back. With that major obstruction to getting more exercise, it is an obstacle "weighing" on the rest of the means to the end - and the progress is, therefore, slow.

"Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Today marks a turning point in your life, as the New Moon falls in your sign. You have been preparing to make an important change in your life. Perhaps you've even had a few false starts in recent months. Now, however, there's no going back. Although it still may take another month to see significant progress, the intention you set now will be sufficient to get the ball rolling in the new direction."

I can always count on my horoscope to confirm the things that are already true in my life. Major changes for me have happened when they were supposed to, as is the case for everyone. Things happen for a reason. It is my challenge in this life to conquer this beast and burden myself no longer with weight issues and dieting. I know what to do to be healthy, happy and helpful - it's the good things that must become a habit to get rid of the bad. I know this to be true. I know this to be "do it or die."