A Muse for Malaise

It is one thing to keep your words flowing to paper when you are busy - when time and assignment are your keepers; it is altogether another situation if you are not feeling well.

Now there are those times when you just don't feel like sitting there, when trying to wrap your brain around an idea and produce some coherent string of words worthy of posting avoids you. And you feel bad because you haven't been able to write something... anything. Then there are those other times when you just don't care - now that is ill for a writer.

The last couple of days have found me doing very little because of the slight fever, headaches and body aches and the general lack of cooperation between mind and body. I do not like being at this point, where I have probably pushed myself beyond what can be humanly done; I have exhausted myself and now pay for it by catching something just because I am over tired.

I write now - toward the end of the second day and am hopeful that my body has had a chance to have enough rest and will accept the meal I was able to eat at suppertime. I am also hopeful that tomorrow is a better day because my body gets sore lying around and my mind becomes groggy instead of clear. Getting up and going becomes more difficult as time wears on. I have to go out tomorrow because I finally have that doctor's appointment. I am sure that this part of "my challenge" is utterly boring and getting sick is no way to try to lose weight! I have been trying to keep the fluid levels up so that I don't get too dehydrated - very important! So, now it's time for bed and a good sleep.

I just want to say to me - sorry for all the junk I've put you through and that you have come to this point out of necessity. I promise to change - for my sake.

Keep on Going

The days go by as they usually do and it's almost another weekend - the time that most employed people look forward to, well, at least those employed people who work Monday to Friday. I missed a couple in between there with a few down days as I felt under the weather, so to speak. My back was giving me grief and every other part of me seems to chime in with sympathy creating a general feeling of blah! The weather was a bit cooler so sometimes I wonder if my problem is more arthritic. In any case, I needed the rest and the ability to just do nothing if I chose. I tend to like those days very much as I don't really do nothing - I write and do little things here and there. I rest when needed but the most important thing is that I just stay home.

Not everyone has that luxury and it has taken me quite a few years of working to find the job that allows me this flexibility - my back or weight issues have not interfered with my work and I want to keep it that way. My work is brain not braun driven, good thing, although long days in front of the computer can take its toll on a body in so many different ways. It is important to move, get up and stretch - I make sure I do this or else I won't be moving much at all. Those back pills first thing in the morning allow me this mobility until there is a stabbing reminder to shift positions for a moment.

Yesterday was a good day, well as good as it can be right now - there is that niggling feeling that if I do too much I could be in pain again. Although I drank my water as required, I made the mistake of not eating all day. This is something I know to be the wrong way to go for proper body fueling... sometimes you just go along, consciously ignoring pointed cravings and it's like eating is not one of the things high on your list of things to do. I wish this were the case all the time but as time goes on it will get easier to move it down the list.

I spent a wonderful evening with my Mom - we enjoyed supper together and shared a few laughs and conversation. I have to say that the supper we had did not stay with me long and we even commented at one point during the visit "why do I still have weight on me if things I eat go right through me?" By the time I got home later that evening, more stuff was moving through me... so feeling hungry, I finished up another bottle of water and had some fruit for a snack while watching Survivor.

There are a number of things that keep me going and it is my hope that by blogging this challenge I can manage to make it past that point of giving up in sheer despair. Often while doing what you know is right, there are feelings of "why am I doing this... struggling and suffering through this?" But right there is the most important reason to do anything for yourself - to lessen the struggle and the suffering. It's worth the challenge to live right, live healthy and live long.