Lost in Pace

Returning to work after a dozen days away has been somewhat taxing on the system. I am most certainly feeling better - at least in the ways compared to feeling ill with the flue. There are others things that I have noticed returned upon my resumption of the daily grind. It only goes to confirm that I would be much better off staying home... I wish.

But seriously, I am not sure if it is the taxing nature of the get-up-and-go or intermittent lack of lack of movement that really gets to me; or the things that seem to be stressors - my daughter says I'm stressed out about stuff - I thought I was handling things well but apparently not. I have a desk job and it is necessary to remember to get up and wander about in order to keep from getting too stiff. Maybe it's the chair. Maybe it's the shoes I am wearing. I just don't know and it almost makes it impossible to formulate some kind of action. Some things can't be changed or helped so the results are not going to change either.

My legs and feet have begun to swell again ??? They were fine last week. So I asked myself what changed? I am watching what I eat and except for the over indulgence in cake the past weekend (okay, it was just Mother's Day and Birthdays and, yes I had to eat it although my daughter said "Mom, you can just throw it out." Really? Waste cake? No, and yes, because eating it "waists" it as well...) I am honestly doing much better with meals and snacks, etc.

We have been cooking more at home (evident by the number of dishes in the sink) and there have been no fast food stops. I've been having something for breakfast and have been making sure I have lots of vegetables and fruit. And water.

I have a doctor's appointment next week so this will begin the check ups and tests - usually and otherwise - for everything to see what's up and what's wrong or what's right. It will be good to get results and know that for sure it's not something serious. If all is okay, I will then push a little harder and try to do more to increase my activity. It's a wait and see game for now but I am feeling good about the prospects, for the time being.

Tied up in Knots

It was a night to end all nights! I just wish it would have ended itself...

Reporting on weight loss and trying to eat healthy is not going well when I have been unwell for the past four days. An over tired me picked up some wayward flu bug and have been suffering since. This is not how to go about watching what you eat! I've done the tea with honey, plain crackers, rice and vegetables with salmon (one great supper amongst the pittance), cereal with yogurt (so I can take my back pills) - nothing is sticking around long enough for me to be concerned about it.

A friend recommended Imodium to give "rapid relief of diarrhea" and it seemed it would work and that would be a welcome reprieve from the close relationship I was developing with the throne. Have chicken soup, too. Okay, so me being brilliant in my illness-induced stupor had a bowl of simulated chicken flavored noodles (you know, add water and ta-da!) ... progressively worse by bed time and I didn't sleep at all with pains in so many places I almost woke Kelsey to take me to emergency. It felt like all the noodles decided to stick together and plan an attack on my innards as one big lump. I felt it as they passed through every organ - but not before they just sat there causing me immense grief for a few uncomfortable, sleepless hours. I lost count how many times I was up and this morning when the diarrhea returned, I was relieved. HOW sad is that?

So back to square one - wondering what to eat that won't eat me back...

I am trying to drink too but blah... water on an empty stomach is really yucky.

p.s. only good news is that my legs and feet are not swollen - I'm thinking that all the garbage built up in me must have escaped :) also, my doctor's appointment went well enough for a meet and greet; now booked for tests and physical in 3 weeks. At least that's something.

Time and Temptation

So... don't look at the date and say "where have you been?" I know, I know... you're probably thinking I fell off the apple cart and baked a few pies on my way down. Oh, ye o' little faith... lol.

I can actually report a very good week and am starting to feel better - off and on - in some ways. The water consumption is "flowing" along as I remember to have at least 3 bottles a day and I am working my way up to more. No matter - it's becoming a habit. I have also steered clear of the fast food places except for a couple of McWraps the other night when I was running here, there and everywhere after my writer's meeting - yes, it was way back on Tuesday. I think that's a big one for me - not stopping along the way home just because it is easy to do so AND I don't think about grabbing more than I really need to fill that hunger that might have been ignored earlier on.

Another great step in the right direction includes having breakfast most every morning which means I'm up early enough to take the time to do so. I don't like to be late but I have noticed when there are too many things on my plate (ah, don't you love that expression......focus.......) I tend to run a little behind at times. Thinking on correcting that as we speak and then I look at the clock, knowing it is time for bed but I'm still trying to fit in as many things as possible before I do, because I know that this week is going to be another crazy one.

I have had some good food this past week, remembering whenever possible to eat more fruit or vegetables than other stuff and sometimes leaving out certain things altogether - like no bread or no fries or no pastry with my coffee. I did stop once for a specialty coffee when a group of us met after our Conference set-up on Friday night. It was a green tea latte and I felt I deserved it this one time. I have also worked up a sweat a couple of times the past week and I remember hearing somewhere that if you don't your body doesn't clear toxins or something like that. There is another conundrum due to the fact that things hurt and to move at a fast enough pace to work up a sweat, is sometimes not possible BUT I am not giving up and sitting this one out just yet.

The keeping busy is what keeps me on track because I have too much to do that it doesn't allow me to sit and do nothing - like watch endless TV. I will catch a show here and there, probably no more than a couple of hours per week and I do like to watch movies, and lately, it works out to about one a week. I have a stack of books by my bed that I have started to read (one at a time!) and the bulk of my time, other than work is writing and writing-related. Movement and stretching is of utmost importance because all of my work and hobbies and interests involve sitting - my butt loves it but the rest of my body doesn't because I even get stiff and sore just sitting.

This week ended with a gratifying close as the 2010 Writers Conference for the group I belong to hosted a very successful event on Saturday. I was tired and sore but the feelings and memories that will last from that day made up for the physical depletion - I went home and needed to rest. I lay down by 7:00 pm and slept; although not straight through, I didn't get up again until 7:00 am Sunday morning.

Another piece of good news for the week - the doctor's office where I put my name on the list to become a new patient called, and I now have an appointment on Friday this week. It will be good to discuss with her everything that needs to be done and check everything out. Peace of mind will further help my challenge, especially if nothing is seriously wrong - then I know I can really push myself to succeed.

It's already a new day and a new week coming down to the end of my favorite month for another year. I've often told myself secretly "if I make it past my birthday, I'm here for another year" and I intend to make it a good one.

Monday - It was a Good Day

Today, was a good day - they do happen and without much squealing and fussing about. I even like Mondays because I really love my job. I take my back pills as required and get on about my given tasks. This morning I had a meeting and was dreading the stair climb to the boardroom but so far so good and I am not taking Tylenol anymore in the evening, unless I really, really have to.

Last night, I went to bed early enough to read instead of spending the night in front of this screen and I woke up feeling rather refreshed. Not feeling refreshed in the kind that would be void of the usual groaning and moaning stiffness but refreshed nonetheless.

That is what is so psychotic about this whole situation - the mind over reality tug-of-war. Waking up to another bright, sunny day - smile, mind is alert... throw off the covers and then it hits ya...ooooo, as you move gingerly to the edge of the bed, sit slowly, stand slowly, hobble slowly until time and movement get the kinks out. THEN, feeling good after the shower, getting dressed, feeling happy, thinking about the meeting coming up...and then it hits ya...ooooo, you gonna wear that to work? And look at those thighs - need a longer sweater. Mirrors don't lie unless they are those kind in the fun houses and really, what fun is it to see yourself distorted into short, tall, wide, or narrow wavy apparitions. Ya...ooooo, mirrors are not fun. Neither are highly polished appliances. Store front windows. And cameras - don't get me started.

You're probably saying "where the heck did the 'it was a good day' go to?" Well, that's another part of the weirdness - it was and still is, a good day. I report I had breakfast before I left this morning, yogurt on my cereal AND I even remembered to take my vitamin. I had a reasonable lunch at work (pizza - vegetarian on thin, wholewheat crust and fresh veggies), drank my water so far up to par (well, working on third refilled bottle) and made a supper when I got home from work that looked like something that washed up on the shore out of the sea. How can that be good for you, you ask? Spinach and chicken breast with small new potatoes with pepper in Becel - emphasis on the spinach. It was delish!

Anyway, I'm feeling good about my progress and I owe it all to the words here and you dedicated readers who I know read and send silent wishes of good health. Even if you don't, I know by sharing this I am accomplishing more than if I ignore it and let it slide like before. This time, not. I would really like to wear things that fit nice and if I could move back to "wear" I was, even a couple of years ago... I would be happy. That's a couple sizes smaller than now and THAT would be an accomplishment, an encouragement, a big boost to my health. I know that.

P.S. still on the waiting list to go to the doctor that's eventually taking new patients. I have a couple of other numbers to call but it seems THAT slips my mind whenever I have time or it comes up when I don't or it's after hours. I have to have things checked out. I know that, too.

So... Day one

Today I resolved to do what I could to make a good start - again! If I had a dime for every time... well, you know, I'd be rich but I'd probably still be fat! I do plan to do a few things I know are good for me and also thought that perhaps for every time I thought of food I could be here blogging a new post. Okay, I'd never get anything done but would certainly log a record number of blogs. Ah, I'm not that bad for there are many other things I think of, not just food. It's an on-again, off-again relationship that goes good and goes bad. On several occasions over the years (yo-yo) I have been able to control my intake and increase my output in order to lose weight and feel good. As I grow older, however, the ability to increase output has become extremely painful and it has me somewhat concerned.

In the summer of 2007, I experienced back pain that I have not been able to get rid of - not through rest, medication, exercise or by just plain ignoring it. I remember the first time - I bent over to pick something up and it knotted, pulled, cramped, twisted sharp enough and painful enough that I almost couldn't stand up again. It happens frequently and has been severe enough that I have to constantly take back medication in order to relax it in the morning so I can go about my day. I visited emergency in the late fall of 2007, had x-rays, was handed muscle relaxants and pain killers, and sent on my merry way. I was told "oh, by the way, you have a kidney stone." Thanks.

Last April, I went to another doctor. Yes, I went all through 2008 without seeing anyone - but I did have a bout with the kidney stone and an emergency room in October 2008 and it has since passed... This fine medical practitioner told me I had DDD - Degenerative Disc Disease and "by the way, lose weight and keep active." I don't need someone who uses this to pass off their diagnosis and get rid of me. He didn't ask history, didn't do all tests that should be done for a woman my age, but in hindsight, I should have insisted on having them done. I realize my weight is an issue, but I never had back problems before - I could lift, move, and work a long day helping my mom and just feel tired. I wouldn't be in so much pain that I could not move, get up or feel any better even after I slept for 7 - 8 hours. I don't remember the last time I got up in the morning, stretched and felt all refreshed!

I am on the list to go to another doctor but this country's health care system sucks even if it is free for some and available for all. You can choose to go to the Medi-Centres and wait a couple of hours with a bunch of sick people for a generic check-up or try to find a doctor that is taking new patients... good luck with that one! I expect that by sometime in May, the new doctor I did find might have room to see me. Then I will appreciate the time to review my history, discuss what the best options are, if any, and be dealt with compassionately - not just told to "lose weight and keep active."

So, day one involved drinking a lot of water. Trying to flush out kidneys and hydrate so that I don't retain water. Swollen legs and ankles have been the bane of my existence for the last two weeks. It was this bothersome condition that has me concerned although I try to just keep going, no matter what. I had mixed vegetables and small boiled potatoes with Becel and seasoning for supper. I am hungry but know it will have to be something I consciously try to control.

So, day one is over.