Why Bother

What possible excuse would allow this blog to sleep for one year? What would push this blog and the mission within to the bottom of the pile of things in my life? It should be top most, foremost, upper most, and most of all, THE one thing most important above all else - love of self enough to care that you have your health. For without a healthy disposition - physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally - there really is nothing else. You cannot care about others and even less, care for others, when ill health impedes your ability and capabilities. 

I have let many things come between me and my health, putting off what I know in my heart to be the one thing I should guard. I use the past as a resting ground for my excuses and continue to ignore there is only one person who can change things - me. And there are many people who will suffer if something goes wrong. Deep down I cling to the effects of getting over and moving forward only to be hit over the last few years with emotionally draining situations that have me dealing with an over abundance of stress and, to some degree, depression. The break up of a relationship, a new job, a move, caring for family members who were ill, dealing with financial stress, self discovery and indecision, overwhelming feelings of "too much," and finally culminating with the death of my dear mother. Was that the last straw or a defining moment? She supported and encouraged me, saying I really needed to look after myself - for me and my future. Her departure was too quick. It was a blessing for her but I feel cheated. Things will never be the same. And although I cannot continue to put this matter off, I cannot use the way it has turned out as an excuse knowing she wanted so much more for me - I should care... but there are times when I feel like saying... why bother?   

Time and Temptation

So... don't look at the date and say "where have you been?" I know, I know... you're probably thinking I fell off the apple cart and baked a few pies on my way down. Oh, ye o' little faith... lol.

I can actually report a very good week and am starting to feel better - off and on - in some ways. The water consumption is "flowing" along as I remember to have at least 3 bottles a day and I am working my way up to more. No matter - it's becoming a habit. I have also steered clear of the fast food places except for a couple of McWraps the other night when I was running here, there and everywhere after my writer's meeting - yes, it was way back on Tuesday. I think that's a big one for me - not stopping along the way home just because it is easy to do so AND I don't think about grabbing more than I really need to fill that hunger that might have been ignored earlier on.

Another great step in the right direction includes having breakfast most every morning which means I'm up early enough to take the time to do so. I don't like to be late but I have noticed when there are too many things on my plate (ah, don't you love that expression......focus.......) I tend to run a little behind at times. Thinking on correcting that as we speak and then I look at the clock, knowing it is time for bed but I'm still trying to fit in as many things as possible before I do, because I know that this week is going to be another crazy one.

I have had some good food this past week, remembering whenever possible to eat more fruit or vegetables than other stuff and sometimes leaving out certain things altogether - like no bread or no fries or no pastry with my coffee. I did stop once for a specialty coffee when a group of us met after our Conference set-up on Friday night. It was a green tea latte and I felt I deserved it this one time. I have also worked up a sweat a couple of times the past week and I remember hearing somewhere that if you don't your body doesn't clear toxins or something like that. There is another conundrum due to the fact that things hurt and to move at a fast enough pace to work up a sweat, is sometimes not possible BUT I am not giving up and sitting this one out just yet.

The keeping busy is what keeps me on track because I have too much to do that it doesn't allow me to sit and do nothing - like watch endless TV. I will catch a show here and there, probably no more than a couple of hours per week and I do like to watch movies, and lately, it works out to about one a week. I have a stack of books by my bed that I have started to read (one at a time!) and the bulk of my time, other than work is writing and writing-related. Movement and stretching is of utmost importance because all of my work and hobbies and interests involve sitting - my butt loves it but the rest of my body doesn't because I even get stiff and sore just sitting.

This week ended with a gratifying close as the 2010 Writers Conference for the group I belong to hosted a very successful event on Saturday. I was tired and sore but the feelings and memories that will last from that day made up for the physical depletion - I went home and needed to rest. I lay down by 7:00 pm and slept; although not straight through, I didn't get up again until 7:00 am Sunday morning.

Another piece of good news for the week - the doctor's office where I put my name on the list to become a new patient called, and I now have an appointment on Friday this week. It will be good to discuss with her everything that needs to be done and check everything out. Peace of mind will further help my challenge, especially if nothing is seriously wrong - then I know I can really push myself to succeed.

It's already a new day and a new week coming down to the end of my favorite month for another year. I've often told myself secretly "if I make it past my birthday, I'm here for another year" and I intend to make it a good one.